The Difficulty of Listening in Groups

It is not easy to listen to each other in groups. In most small groups one or another person or idea tends to dominate the meeting, so that many in the group do not get time and space to share and be heard.

Group leaders can enrich group life by improving group listening. Psychologist Thomas Hawkins suggests eight practices which can heighten group listening. Here they are with some added comments:

1. Paraphrasing: This helps persons to determine whether they understood what someone has said. They express themselves in their own words concerning what they heard the other say. Such feedback can assist the speaker to determine how well others heard what the speaker sought to say.

It is good to preface a paraphrase with comments like, “What I heard you say is...” or “Let me see if I understood you....” This gives the speaker an opportunity to confirm or correct what was said, which is also of benefit to the members of the group as a whole.

2. Mirroring: This is a more formal kind of paraphrasing. Here one seeks to repeat the speaker’s words exactly, to attempt to give verbatim feedback. The objective here is to use the speaker’s words rather than one’s own, in order to give greater understanding of what was actually said.

Once again, this permits speakers to confirm or correct, along with permitting them to feel heard – and understood.

3. Drawing out: In this practice, the leader asks the speaker questions to further develop what has been said. Examples of open-ended, nondirective questions include: “Could you say more about that?” or “When you say [thus and so], what do you mean?” or “Can you give an example of what you are saying?”

4. Stacking: This helps participants to take turns expressing their ideas. Stacking has four steps: the leader announces the topic and says, “Everyone who wishes to speak, raise your hand”; the leader assigns a number to each person; the leader calls on each person in the order announced; the leader asks if anyone else wishes to speak.

5. Tracking: This seeks to refocus fragmented discussions. The steps in tracking are these: summarize the strands of conversation; get group consensus that the summary is correct; propose a sequence for tracking each separate strand; negotiate and confirm this sequence with the group; take each strand in the approved sequence.

6. Making space: This permits members who are less verbally assertive or skilled to have an opportunity to speak their mind. To make space is to be hospitable. Some examples of space-making comments: “Who else would like to share an idea?” or “Who has not yet spoken that we could hear from?”

7. Balancing: This seeks to ask for alternative views that have yet to be expressed, which can give greater balance and breadth to the conversation. Examples of balancing questions: “Is everyone in agreement with this?” or “What do some of the rest of you think?” or “What are some other ways of looking at this?”

8. Intentional silence: Intentional silence permits participants to collect their thoughts and better prepare to speak. Leaders suggest silence when there is a lull, or growing frustration. It enables participants to slow down and listen to themselves, which can help them to listen to others. Effective listening includes listening to yourself as well as to others.