GREENER PASTURES: The Common Cold of Irritability

The common cold of the soul just may be irritability. Or so a group of us determined during a recent meeting. To be like the common cold, it has to be readily “catchable” by others. And what is more catchable than another’s irritation? It is easier to catch than the horrific Covid virus. Irritation spoils the spiritual atmosphere between people; it carries itself virus-like into the hearts of those who breathe it in.

There are different reasons for being irritable. For some it is a chronic way of life; whether they were born sensitive and tightly wound, or bear wounds from unresolved childhood issues, they are miserable and keep infecting others with the “strain” of their particular virus.

For others, irritability is situational and short-lived. Something occurs that gets to them, and they “sneeze” their irritation back out into the relational atmosphere.

How do you protect yourself against this common cold of the soul? First of all, make sure you are healthy, not emotionally stressed or run down, which renders you more susceptible to infection. If you are susceptible, be aware of that, and keep some careful distance from others, and from those issues which you know will set you off. Do this at least until you regain more health of soul, as vital to your wellbeing as health of body.

You can regain health of soul by doing what’s good for your soul, which also happens to be what’s good for your body. You need sufficient rest, nourishment, time for meaningful and rewarding work as well as time for relaxing, recreating activity, from sports to reading, hikes to meditation. You also need a satisfactory relational life. If not all of your relationships are working, hopefully some are; invest yourself in those that produce rather than deplete energy.

Another way to protect yourself from being infected by the irritability of others, is not to take what they say personally, even if they want you to. Everything they say or do has self-reference; it first and foremost reflects back on them. If someone frowns and snaps at you about some wrong you have supposedly committed, don’t just look at your behavior; look also at the other’s behavior, at what they are telling you about themselves. In one way or another, everything we say is self-reference.

Irritable reactions are hardly ever appropriate to the situation. If you need to apologize for something you said or did, the other may need to apologize for how they snapped at you. If you are expected to be accountable for your behavior, so are they; if they do not hold themselves accountable to you, then as long as you have to work together, try not to take them too seriously or take in their virus-infected breath.

There is a line from the musical play, Fiddler on the Roof, that addresses how to handle irritability. A beggar receives only one half of what another typically gives him. He asks why the man is half as generous as usual. The man says, “I had a bad week.” The beggar replies, “So if you had a bad week, why should I suffer?”

If another is having a bad day, why should you suffer? Stay healthy and seek to avoid what irritates and those who irritate you. What you do not get, you will not pass on to others.