GREENER PASTURES: Expectations and Happiness

It turns out that expectations are connected to happiness. While this may not be surprising, it is surprising to see it play out for an entire country. According to a recent pole, the people of Denmark report being the happiness of any country in Europe. The question is why.

One researcher, Dr. Core Christiansen from the University of Southern Denmark, suggests that the reason for the higher level of happiness is quite simple: The Danish generally have lower life expectations. What they expect out of life tends to be more modest and realistic. Expecting less, they are likely to experience happiness when what comes exceeds their prior expectations. In addition, they feel happy when things don’t work out as bad as they thought they would.

This is in accord with what a wise person once told me, “Expect less, accept more.” The greater our expectations, the higher the bar which must be passed over to first attain, and then maintain happiness. Dr. Christiansen said that “humiliation helps.” Getting humbled, as the Danish people have historically had times of, certainly more than their share, lowers their sights and enhances their capacity to experience simple joy at simple things.

Americans rank lower on happiness ratings than most of the free countries of the world. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, psychology professor at Harvard, says the basic reason for this is that Americans are under the delusion that “more is better.” It’s kind of our ethos. Yet it really doesn’t work in practice. No matter how much you have, others still have more; there is always something else to gain; what you get doesn’t keep you happy for very long. Getting ever more become like an addiction: you need to get more and more in order to experience that brief “high” of happiness from having.

Dr. Ben-Shahar teaches a course on “Happiness,” and it is the most popular course on campus. His suggestion why: students are stressed out and seeking happiness. Happiness, he says, requires the joint experience of meaning and pleasure. We need a meaning to throw ourselves into, from which we derive pleasure. For the most part, this means relationships.

An interesting sidebar on relationships: American women apparently report less happiness in being mothers than their European counterparts. Research suggests the following reason: Americans try to fit in too many activities. Mothers attempt to juggle too many things, at the cost of the simple pleasure of being with their children.

Dr. Ben-Shahar offers what he calls “five easy steps” to greater happiness:

1. Simplify. The more tasks the greater the pressure and stress. The more things, the greater the heaviness of your life.

2. Exercise. Do not underrate the healthy, positive impact of endorphin release. Your body will thank you.

3. Accept. Be willing to accept and approach your deeper, more painful emotions. Suppression can lead to depression. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel; lean into and embrace your inner being.

4. Appreciate. Practice giving thanks daily for the wonders and relationships of your life. Whether the glass is half-empty or half-full, you can still give thanks for water.

5. Appreciate. The more you appreciate, the greater your happiness will grow. That is, to appreciate also means to increase, like interest accruing on a savings account.