GREENER PASTURES: Give Compliments

It is important to give compliments. Take that extra minute to stop and tell another what you are honestly feeling. The other day at the local Hy-Vee grocery store, I did just that. Walking down the produce aisle I noticed a young man neatly stacking baby carrots. Rather than silently passing by, I stopped and said, “You are doing a beautiful job of stacking those carrots.” A bit sheepishly, he turned to me and said, “Thank you.” I continued: “How long has it been since somebody gave you a compliment?” He answered sincerely: “It’s been awhile.”

Later, I saw another Hy-Vee employee. A week before this visit, at the checkout, her name came up and the checker said how kind she was. We agreed on that, and off I went. Being on a “compliment-roll” this day, I walked over to her and said, “Another employee thinks you are a kind person – and I agree.” She smiled with unexpectedness, and said brightly, “Thank you!”

I continued by saying we never know what an impact we can have on others, especially since most people keep that information, along with compliments, bottled up inside them.

Yet once more on this journey through Hy-Vee, I happened upon a family friend, whose hair was delightfully different than the last time we had met. I know I am on a slippery slope when it comes to saying something to a woman about her hairstyle! Yet my mother raised me to notice and to compliment a woman who has had her hair cut and styled. (I know to refrain from commenting on hair color – unless it is dramatically obvious, and for the better.) So I told this woman how much I liked her hair – which I honestly did – and her soft smile told me what I said was appreciated.

Giving compliments when they are due and true has a way of bringing more light into a room and relationship. I mean light as both brightness and lightness, as in the easing of the atmosphere between people. It is difficult to turn and criticize someone who has just complimented you. I was taught this in a psychology class in college. If you want, for example, to make comments to someone who has just delivered a lecture, start with something positive. Should your initial words be complimentary about this or that aspect of what was said, the speaker is more likely to hear your subsequent concerns as coming from a friendly rather than hostile person.

As it is important to give compliments, it is just as important to receive them, once they come your way. Brushing aside an affirming comment can offend the giver, and reveal the receiver’s self-doubt. I used to have difficulty receiving compliments. I didn’t know what to say; I was not sure of the motives of the one saying nice things to me; I was too prone to deflect good things about myself.

Then in a conversation with a wise seminary professor, I learned the best way to receive a compliment. Just say, “Thank you,” or “Thank you very much.” You can even add, if you really feel it, “That means a lot.” Receive the compliment with simple grace, and move on, your day having been made a little lighter.