Rudeness

Rudeness may well be on the rise, in degree, if not quantity. Rude behavior indicates social disconnection; it attests to an absence of the sense of community and commonality between people. Unfortunately, that is what is currently unfolding in our culture.

To overcome rudeness, you have to identify with other people. This has become even more difficult in our “me first” culture. We are a people self-absorbed, self-centered, self-obsessed. We think of ourselves before others. We have “special interest” groups running rampant, from the “Christian right” to the “Liberal left,” pro-life to pro-choice, the homosexual lobby to those adamantly opposed to homosexuality. We look more for what separates than unites us.

Yet the key to civility, to kindness and compassion toward other lies in our ability to connect with how others feel. Before judging others, we need to walk where they have walked, stand where they stand, seek to understand them from the inside as well as the outside.

The great world religions give us much the same principle for community life: identify with others, want for others what you want for yourself. In Judaism, Rabbi Hillel said, “that which is hateful, do not do to your neighbor.” In Christianity, Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them to unto you.” In Islam, the Sufis say, “Whatever you wish for yourself, wish for others.”

How have we come to this sad state of affairs? Look first at the impact of mass media, at television and movies, at the constant bombardment of insensitivity, rudeness, crudeness and lewdness toward others. We are being taught that rudeness is more than merely acceptable, but commendable. Rude is cool, at least toward the culture-at-large, the outsiders.

In our multimedia world, we watch as supposedly totally bad people are sweep away with a hail of bullets and never thought of again. Do they then have no socially redeeming qualities, no loving mothers, no hidden regrets or hoped for redemption? Are they are purely evil, and therefore easy to kill, maybe even deserving it? How convenient to the script, to the story line of good vs. evil. Good is defined as our side, and evil as whoever opposes us. It is “us versus them” all the way.

I have however never known a person who was simply, completely evil. I have only known persons who were human. I believe it is true that, as the poet says, none of us can rise higher nor fall lower than that which is in each of us. Of course, you may have to look for, or grant on faith that someone has some good in them somewhere. But if you don’t grant others the possibility of turning around, they just might never do so.

Cultural rudeness is a sign and symptom of communal breakdown. The only thing, and the most essential thing for each of us to do, is to practice the above mentioned principle with the people we come into contact with daily. What you want for yourself, want as well, if not first for others. The only way we are going to succeed individually in attaining what we want, is by finally realizing we will all ultimately succeed or fail together. Only united can we stand, for long or for good.