Show Appreciation

My mother taught us to say “Please” and “Thank you.” Actually, she insisted that we do so every time it was appropriate. Millie said it was better to request rather than to demand, to express appreciation rather than to remain silent. She taught us that people deserve to hear positive things about themselves and the good they do for you. Mom was sure right about that.

The problem is, these days too many of us forget to say “Please” and “Thank you.” I have sought to show appreciation most all my ever-lengthening life. I do not always get it done, however, but I keep on seeking to do so. That also includes giving tips for service, which my wife and I view as a form of tithing.

I do not think I have ever met a person who did not want to be appreciated. Granted, many may not know how to say “thank you,” but a positive change in the atmosphere between you and the one to whom you showed appreciation can be sensed, anyway. You just need to say it and mean it, regardless of the reaction or lack thereof, from the other. Your showing disappointment or even disapproval for the absence of a positive response from the other is inappropriate, and can will readily negate the previous expression of appreciation.

It is, of course, appropriate for the other to respond with an accepting, if not appreciative, “You are welcome.” Such mutual appreciation can be taught, and become habitual. I say show appreciation almost without thinking, hopefully with the heart-felt motive being a sheer appreciation of the other and their action.

It is best to do so without an expectation of anything in return. You are showing your appreciation as much as because of who you are. And as Ralph Marston said, “Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.”

Gandhi maintained that love relationships are built on four principles: “respect, understanding, acceptance and appreciation.” All four are essential for mutually satisfying love relationships. All four. And appreciation just may be the way into and the ongoing foundation for the other three. Appreciation opens the door to gratitude and quiet joy. As W. R. Miller put it: “There cannot be a sense of abundance or the experience of prosperity without appreciation. You cannot find beauty unless you appreciate beauty. You cannot find friendship unless you appreciate others. You cannot find love unless you appreciate loving and being loved. If you wish abundance, appreciate life.”

I have actually taught and taken the advice of Wayne Dyer regarding how to increase life appreciation. This brief exercise can lead to surprising results. Dyer said: “Give yourself a gift of five minutes of contemplation in awe of everything you see around you. Go outside and turn your attention to the many miracles around you. This five-minute-a-day regimen of appreciation and gratitude will help you to focus your life in awe.”

Appreciation also shows itself in your manner of listening to another. Your verbal and non-verbal appreciation for what they are saying strengthens their trust in you as well as their confidence in what they are saying. As a professor, I most enjoyed those students who seemed to appreciate what I was teaching. Such appreciation makes you want to come back for more, to keep on doing what you are doing.