Teaching Kids To Pack For Their Futures

I’ll always remember something Debbie Phelps, mother of world champion swimmer Michael Phelps, said in an interview. Debbie described how Michael packed and carried his swim bag from an early age. When he forgot his goggles in a competition and looked to his mother for assistance, she raised her empty hands and he swam without them.

At the time, those words were difficult for me to hear.

I’d packed a swim bag for my two daughters that very day. And if goggles were forgotten, I would have frantically tried to find some … so their eyes wouldn’t burn… so they wouldn’t be reprimanded ... so they wouldn’t fail.

What I was doing was a disservice to my children.

Why? Because my then 5-year-old child and 8-year-old child were fully capable of packing swim bags for themselves.

Shortly after hearing Debbie’s interview, my daughters began packing their own swim bags quite successfully. Little by little, I worked on surrendering control, stepping aside and letting my children do for themselves. It was not always easy, quick, neat or convenient, but it was necessary for developing independence, responsibility and confidence.

Because her personality is much like mine, my older daughter takes every opportunity for independence and runs with it. But my younger daughter is cut from a different cloth and would rather play guitar, have a nice long chat or tend to her cats than knock out a to-do list. I’ll admit, there are times when it’s just “easier” for me to do something for her.

But this week, the words of Debbie Phelps came back to me once again.

As I retrieved my daughter’s flowered suitcase for a week-long trip, I knew what I needed to do. It was time to let my 10-year-old pack for her travels like her sister has been doing for a while now.

After providing her with a general guide of the items she needed to pack, I left the room. I’ll admit, my expectations were not high. So when I saw her relaxing on the couch 90 minutes later, I assumed she’d left the job incomplete, knowing her highly efficient mother would finish up for her. But when I walked in her room, my jaw dropped. I saw matching outfits laid out, blank lines filled in, sun hats and sunglasses included (which weren’t even on the list).

“See how I rolled my T-shirts?” she asked, standing behind me proudly. “I saw that in a travel show. It saves room. You should try it,” she said happily.

I could have felt guilty then – knowing I often assumed “lack of ability” for this particular child when it was really “lack of opportunity.”

But I refuse to live in regret, so I focused on "only love today" and what I’d just learned about my daughter and myself.

“I am going to try that with my clothes!” I said. “I’m so glad you showed me the way.”

And that’s when I got a little glimpse of the future. This curly-haired musician with a big heart for animals and elderly people would travel the world. Strapped on her back was her guitar. In her hand, she carried the bag she confidently packed herself. The sights of her new surroundings would be extra beautiful; the new foods she tasted would taste even sweeter, and the experiences she had would be even more fulfilling.

Why?

Because our most rewarding destinations are the ones we reach with our own two hands.

By doing things for our children they could do for themselves, we prevent them from reaching their full potential — not an easy journey — but a vital one, if we want to see them fly.

Top image credit: Rachel Macy Stafford

© Rachel Macy Stafford 2017

My friends, I hate to think I almost missed the rolling idea and the creative spelling of romper! These little details encourage me to keep surrendering control and stepping back so my kids can reveal all that they’re capable of. What clever things are the kids in your life doing (or have done) when you give them the freedom to try? We can learn so much from each other. Thanks for being part of The Hands Free Revolution.

Rachel’s best-selling books: "Hands Free Mama," "Hands Free Life" and "Only Love Today"