8 Signs That Your Teen Is Gaming Too Much

By Dr. Michael Oberschneider

There is no doubt that teens spend a lot of time video and computer gaming these days. As a psychologist in private practice, a good amount of my time these days is spent helping teenagers and their parents create and maintain balance with various forms of technology. And while excessive gaming is usually a secondary issue to a larger primary one (e.g., social anxiety or depression), more and more, excessive gaming is becoming the primary reason parents (with their teen) show up in my office for help. Whether it is Xbox, iPhone, PlayStation or computers, excessive gaming can be a tough problem for parents to successfully address.

Internet Gaming Disorder has been proposed as an official disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Mental Disorders -- Fifth Edition (DSM-5), and compulsive game playing, mood swings, isolation and need for increased gaming time for countless teens, has led many researchers to see excessive gaming as a stand-alone addiction.

So, as parents, when do we know if our teen has crossed the line between normal and acceptable gaming to compulsive or addictive gaming? While every family is unique, in my opinion gaming becomes a problem when it negatively impacts a teen across his important areas of life -- his social life, academic life and home life. These 8 signs are good indicators that your teen has a gaming problem:

Your teen socializes exclusively on-line during games but rationalizes strongly that he has a social life and plenty of friends. When you as parent question your teen’s lack of a social life, and he tells you instead that he has a lot of friends on-line, that is a sign that your teen has a problem. Yes, generally teens spend a lot of time with screens and social media these days, but teens who game too much typically suffer socially. Like alcoholics who rationalize their drinking, teens that game excessively rationalize their social withdrawal. Although teens that game excessively will beg to differ, virtual friendships or on-line back and forth dialogue during gaming is not commensurate with real social moments or friendships off-line.

Your teen grossly minimizes and distorts the amount of time he spends gaming. Arguing with your teen about how much time he is gaming is another sign. Most teens I work with will say that they spend a couple of hours a day gaming, but after closely reviewing their schedule, that number is usually much higher. In extreme cases, I have worked with teens that spend between 10-15 hours a day gaming, especially on weekends.

Your teen no longer finds joy in the activities that he used to find joy in. Many parents tell me that their teen seemed much happier and was more engaged in activities before gaming took over. In addition to a teen’s social life suffering, athletics can also be an area that is compromised by excessive gaming.

Your teen no longer participates in family activities because that would mean leaving his games. Family meals and events outside the home can become irritants for the excessive gamer that often just wants to be left alone. In extreme cases, parents will have the family activity without the teen (e.g., dinner or a vacation) because it is just easier to give into the gaming teen’s need to game than it is to fight with him about participating.

Your teen is overly preoccupied with the games he plays. For many teens that game excessively, they eat, sleep and breathe gaming. Teens who game excessively will sometimes even go so far as to say that they can make money or have a career due to their proficient gaming skills and acumen. Yes certain individuals on YouTube can make a living playing Minecraft or Call of Duty, but your teen probably will not be one of them. Some teens will also assert their strong desire to one day become a game designer. At the extreme, excessive gamers will only want to talk about their games and characters in conversations. And a number of teens I have worked with have even preferred listening to video game music for pleasure over popular, hip hop or rock music.

Your teen demonstrates irritability and even anger at times, especially when you interfere with his gaming. In severe cases, teens that game excessively will become angry and even aggressive and hostile if their parents challenge or try to limit their gaming time for activities or appointments (e.g., a dentist appointment or haircut). As a psychologist, I have had many a session over the years with a parent or parents showing up in the waiting room because the teen refused to leave his game to attend his therapy appointment. Moodiness, sadness, irritability, anxiety and withdrawal can also occur for teens that game too much, especially when they are separated or away from their games.

Your teen spends a lot of money on games. For teens that game excessively, the need to play new games can be endless. Like alcoholism, a teen that games excessively will require more and more to feel satisfied. These teens will typically overplay a game, lose interest, and then move on to another game. In extreme cases, teens will steal money or use their parents’ credit cards without permission to purchase games due to their intense need to game.

Your teen’s gaming has caused significant problems across the important areas of his life. When excessive gaming comprises a teen’s life negatively, the impact is usually seen across his academic life, social life and home life. In my experience, initially, the impact is usually seen in one environment until the problem reveals itself in other areas.

Excessive gaming does not happen all at once; rather, it occurs over time. As with any problem, the sooner it is caught, the sooner it can be addressed. If your teen is more comfortable in virtual reality than he is in reality, and if your teen is experiencing any of the abovementioned warning signs, as parents, it is most definitely time to step-in. If increased structure (i.e. setting time limits or a reward plan for gaming) does not fix the problem, then I recommend a consultation with a child psychologist. It may be the case that your teen is simply immature, and he just needs your involvement to help him create a more balanced life. It may, however, be the case that your teen is gaming excessively because of bigger issues -- where excessive gaming is a compensatory behavior for low self-esteem, depression and/or anxiety and even a form of self-medication.

Dr. Michael Oberschneider is the Founder and Director of Ashburn Psychological and Psychiatric Services. He has been featured as a mental health expert on Good Morning America, CNN, NPR, the WTOP, as well as other media outlets. He is also the author of the children’s book, “Turn That Off And Play With Me!”