Discovering Infidelity

Couples often talk about infidelity early in their relationship.  They clarify how they feel about it, predict their responses to it, and vow they won’t succumb to temptation.  They swear to honesty and absolutely disavow cheating.

Unfortunately, the best of intentions don't always bear out in the long run, and life can take a few unexpected turns. 

There may not be any shock greater to a marriage or long-term relationship than discovering that your partner has been unfaithful.

In the moment of discovery, a partner may feel like they've been punched, their breath taken away.  In the next moments, they will feel their world has turned topsy-turvy.  Everything they understood about how the world operates, what they understood to be true, their most fundamental operating premise, has been thrown into chaos.

For most, dealing with the lies and secrets, especially if the affair was ongoing or liaisons were numerous, is worst of all.  As discrepancies, inconsistencies, and lies reveal themselves, anger and depression are felt intensely.  The betrayed partner struggles enormously with 'what is real.'  With trust in their partner broken, the betrayed partner now is not sure if they can trust in themselves.  They no longer know what is 'real.'  As a result, the betrayed partner typically wants to know everything that has been hidden from them through the course of the infidelity.   After the emotional outpouring at discovery, this is the next communication hurdle in a couple's path to recovery.

Getting help is essential for a couple caught in the aftermath of infidelity.  The support of friends, your place of worship, and a therapist can help you through the crisis.  Marriages can survive an affair and even grow stronger.  The wounds, however, are deep, and recovery takes commitment and a persistent willingness to grow.  Allow yourself time to go through the process and recover.  Call on support to understand what happened, why it happened, and how to heal.