Del Ray Outdoors: Cooler Criminals

As spring approaches, I like to dream about the camping and backpacking trips that I might take this year. I also like to reflect on lessons I learned from last year—or the lessons that my brother and a friend learned last summer.

This lesson: coolers are dangerous weapons for which you may be put in federal prison.

If you camp in any of our wonderful National Parks, you may have noticed that over the past few years the National Park Service has made an unattended cooler a “ticket-able” offence. In the words of the NPS, “failure to follow park food storage regulations is a violation of federal law.” Last summer, my brother (at Mesa Verde NP in Colorado) and a Del Ray friend (in Shenandoah NP) both received $75 tickets for leaving their coolers unattended.

As many of you know, coolers contain bear treats. Thus, leaving them out is like calling “Here Yogi, come and get it.” It is very important to prevent bears from getting people food because an aggressive bear is usually a dead bear. Therefore, I understand the need to keep food away from bears. However, there are a couple of severe flaws in how the NPS goes about preventing these dangerous food receptacles from getting in the wrong… paws.

First, a bear will get your cooler whether it is “unattended” or not. As soon as we see a bear, our cooler or food will immediately become unattended. Bears have also found out how to open cars, either by breaking windows or by pealing the tops of window frames down. So now the bear has your food and you have a $2,000 repair bill. Also, leaving your food in a hot car in summer creates a bacteria factory. You may be more likely to get food poisoning than a bear visit.

Second, the punishment does not fit the crime. OK, $75 is a pretty steep fine for innocently leaving your cooler out. That’s more than a ticket for parking in front of a fire hydrant. More significantly, it is a “violation of federal law.” That is a big deal, so my brother found out. It turns out that if you don’t pay that ticket, a Federal Judge will issue a Federal Warrant for your arrest. You may find this out when you get pulled over for speeding and find yourself incarcerated in a Federal Prison—no kidding. An example of a punishment that does fit the crime—a parking ticket. You don’t pay, you can’t use your car (i.e., you get a Boot or can’t re-register your car). You don’t get thrown in Federal prison.

So why can’t the NPS just prevent you from using National Parks until you’ve paid your fines? Seems a more fitting punishment than going to prison for a careless cooler crime.