The Imperfect Parent

“Have the courage to be imperfect.” —Alfred Adler

Is there a more perfect quote? I have met many who have struggled with this idea, personally and professionally. Not to mention, I have been challenged by this idea myself. More specifically, as parents, it can be even tougher to be at ease with being imperfect. 

Being a parent is the most important job in the world. Ever. And it’s so personal. How good of a person someone is largely based on how they are as a parent. I have talked with many parents who second-guess the decisions they make and worry they have permanently damaged their children. Personally, I landed a starring role as a stepparent a couple of years ago, completely clueless despite my training as a child therapist. How could I know I was doing this right? And when we don’t know we are doing it right, it’s natural to think about how we are doing it wrong.

It would be great if there were some quarterly performance review given by our close relatives, friends or even our children. They would tell us our areas of improvement and what was going well. It’s being comfortable in the unknown that’s so scary. Our measurements are limited to when we feel strong moments of pride and think we must be doing something right. On the contrary, we feel like big jerks because we snapped at our kids and feel instant guilt.

This is where courage comes in. The courage to move ahead. The courage to forgive yourself when you are having an “I’m not winning the mother of the year award” kind of day. The courage to talk about your challenges with other parents. The courage to accept and love your imperfections. Isn’t that a great lesson to model for our children?