Ask Terry

My husband and I argue about how often our teenagers should clean their room. I say they should be cleaned once a week, my husband says every day. Who's right?  

The answer is.....it depends. What do you mean by clean...do you mean picked up or do you mean vacuumed and everything in its place?  I don't think there is a right or wrong answer necessarily but I will say that I don't clean my own home every day. Does your husband? If he does, can you send him over?

Kids' rooms are just that...their rooms. They are not an homage to you, your husband or your housekeeping prowess. There is always the old thing about food being left out lest you send engraved invitations to ants and roaches but generally, teens need a place to nest and have time with their stuff, in their own way. There are more important things to pull rank with, like, you are not getting your nose tattooed.

A reasonable expectation is perhaps a deadline--say, you can't go out on Friday until your room is picked up. Then STICK TO IT NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY WHINE AND THREATEN TO REPORT YOU TO CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES. If Friday isn't a good deadline then choose something that is, like no car, no friends over. It is amazing how quickly something they say will take hours is actually done--sometimes in minutes. Balance and fairness is the key and kids recognize it even if they never admit it.