Dad's Visitation Rights: A Surprise from a Judge

After mediation failed to produce an agreement about visitation, I sat through a court hearing to see what the judge would decide. The dad had not seen his daughter for about four years, because he was in jail. Then he saw her for a few hours every-other-weekend for about three months, occasionally missing a visit and occasionally, with the mother’s consent, having an extra long visit, including one overnight stay.

The mom thought that the child was not yet consistently comfortable with the dad, and should not be compelled to spend more than a few hours with him every other-weekend. Later, when she knew him better, overnight visits could begin.

The dad wanted the child to stay overnight on Saturdays, as his home was at least an hour’s drive from the mother’s. If he was going to spend so much time driving, he wanted more than a four-hour visit.

I had no guess about what the judge would decide. She listened to both parents, and then gave the dad more than he had asked for: 48-hour every-other weekend visits.

A different judge might have made a different decision. For all I know, the same judge on a different day might have made a different decision. The inference I drew was that the judge did not want to waste time. This is your father, visits have been going pretty well, and you (the child) should get to know him. No one had suggested that the child was in any danger with the dad, so the judge apparently saw no reason to delay ordering an ordinary visitation schedule. That surprised me. The dad had been out of jal for only about 4 months; prior to that the child had not seen him for about 4 years; the mom thought a visit longer than 4 hours might be too long for the child's comfort; and the judge ordered 48-hour visits.

I have mediated quite a few cases in which the mother, who had sole custody, did not want to push a child to spend time with the dad because the child was angry at the dad or did not like the dad or just did not feel comfortable with the dad, but the dad wanted real visitation rights.

I have the impression that a lot of judges agree with the dad in this situation. They want the custodial parent to communicate to the child that the child’s relationship with the noncustodial parent is important. The case I have described in this article is probably an extreme example, but the trend is a familiar one.

The author, Virginia L Colin, Ph.D., is a Professional Family Mediator certified by the Supreme Court of Virginia. She is not an attorney or a therapist. More information is available at fairfaxmediator.com.