Should a Couple Stay Together for the Sake of the Kids?

As a psychologist and a family mediator, I can say with some confidence that what is best for one set of kids will not match what is best for another set of kids.

If there are minor children, divorce ordinarily does long-lasting emotional and financial damage to all members of the family. Most kids would prefer for their parents to stay married. 

If parents can learn how to interact with love, respect, and good communication, they can stay together happily. That will be best for the children. If parents can stay together without too much tension and hostility in their relationship, that may be better for the kids than a divorce would be. If the marriage is really damaging to one or both parents or to the children, divorce may be better for the kids. Having two calm households can be better for children than living in one that is full of tension, hostility and/or abuse.

Obviously divorce will not solve everything. If the parents keep fighting, divorced or together, it’s going to be bad for the kids. If you divorce, let the kids have as good a relationship as they can with your ex. Make good use of community resources to help yourself and your kids heal.

If you need to divorce, how you do it can make a big difference for your kids. Try family mediation in preference to an adversarial approach. You may save thousands of dollars and spare everybody a huge amount of pain and anxiety.

The author is a Certified Family Mediator. She is not an attorney or a therapist. More information is available at fairfaxmediator.com.