A Parent's Road to Recovery

By Sarah McDade

Our son was only 14 when the police knocked on our door in the middle of a summer night now more than a decade ago to let us know about his underage drinking actions and arrest. Although it horrified my husband and me, we incorrectly assumed it was typical of neighborhood boys experimenting with something forbidden.

Less than two years later we were dropping off our son at a Pennsylvania residential substance abuse treatment center, a step prompted by our concern that he would kill himself by alcohol poisoning. He already had to have an alcohol detox at the emergency room of our local hospital. Little did I know that this was the first baby step in his road to recovery and my own road to recovery.

It was a relief to have him away from our neighborhood. I knew he was safe. I actually slept very soundly for his first two weeks of treatment. By the third week, however, I began to realize that our son’s recovery from his substance abuse issues was going to take more than 30 days. His brain had been rewired by his constant use of drugs and alcohol.

Our son’s journey to recovery has been an up-and-down experience that involved two longer-term stays at rehab facilities. Thankfully, he has been clean and sober for six of the last eight years. It took me longer to “get it.”

It was during his second rehab that my son took some giant strides toward recovery. As he got better, I got better by taking part in 12-step meetings on the advice of his counselor. I didn’t know it at the time, but my lack of shame or stigma associated with addiction was a huge component of my recovery from my son’s struggles with mind-altering substances.

All too often I learn of parents who are afraid to seek help for their child, or tell anyone what chaos has erupted in their lives because of their teen’s activities. So it was a blessing that, without shame, I was determined to seek help for our son who, little known to us, had been sneaking around and using much longer than we realized. Yes, our son, who was so popular among friends and teachers, was a drug addict.

As for me, the parent, I finally found my own recovery from my son’s illness about two years ago, eight years after his first arrest! He actually got there ahead of me!

I no longer worry that he will relapse. He might. He might not. I have no control over it. It’s his life, not mine. I have learned that I cannot control other peoples’ lives, even if I think my way is the best! It’s out of my control. I’ve learned to drop my expectations. I’ve learned that most of the world is out of my control.

I know it sounds whacky, but if my son hadn’t traveled down the road of addiction and then up the path of recovery, I am not sure I would have had the opportunities to learn so many life lessons from some very wise people. It was a tortuous trail, but I survived the struggle, and I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams.

My passion now is to help other parents whose children are in the throes of addiction. Those of us with experience know that addiction dramatically affects the whole family so it is called a family disease. In addition to providing resources for treatment, by sharing my strength, hope and experiences, I hope I can help others find their way along the road to recovery.

Sarah McDade is active in the recovery movement and is a member of the Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County.

The Unified Prevention Coalition of Fairfax County is a nonprofit organization with more than 60 community partners working together to keep youth and young adults safe and drug-free. Visit www.unifiedpreventioncoalition.org and www.facebook.com/unifiedpreventioncoalition. Follow the group on Twitter at www.twitter.com/keepyouthsafe.

Oct. 17: Together on the Pathway to Wellness: The Good Life – A Vision for Recovery

Have you or someone you care about experienced mental health and/or substance use challenges? Want to learn more about wellness and recovery? Then make plans to attend this daylong conference on Friday, Oct. 17 from 8:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the NVCC Annandale Campus. Sponsored by UPC partner Fairfax-Falls Church Community Services Board and the Wellness and Recovery Committee. Explore how to build and grow good relationships, stay healthy and feel good, and have fun! Learn more about the conference and register online (deadline Oct. 10), or download the printable flyer.