Searching For A Coronavirus Support Group In Seattle

SEATTLE, WA — When Holly Cheung’s grandmother, Shu, died from COVID-19 this month at a Shoreline nursing home, her family, like so many others, was unable to mourn the way they wanted to.

“In different circumstances we would’ve had a memorial service,” Cheung, 21, told Patch. That was not an option, under the state’s ban on gatherings. Neither was a final goodbye at the funeral home, which her father and uncle opted against to avoid any chance of contracting the virus.

They were left to grieve in isolation.

In the weeks since her grandmother died on April 6, Cheung, a senior at the University of Washington, has tried to seek out virtual support groups for relatives of victims of COVID-19, knowing that thousands of others were facing the same peculiar grief. To her surprise, despite scouring the internet, posting an inquiry on Seattle’s Reddit page and asking friends, she’s been unable to find one.

“It’s been really difficult for me,” Cheung wrote in the Reddit post. “If there’s other people out there who’ve also lost a loved one, I’d be willing to form a support group and check in on one another.”

Several strangers who saw the post sent her messages of support, she said — but none knew anyone who had died from the coronavirus.

“It’s been kind of frustrating,” she said.

Weekly counseling sessions with a UW therapist have been a big help, Cheung said. But if she could find a support group, she would ask people how they’ve managed to cope with their loved one’s deaths, and how they’ve grieved in the absence of a funeral.

“Talking to other people is really helpful if they can empathize with the situation,” she said. “The full quarantine has driven a lot of people crazy.”

A spokesman for King County Public Health said the agency is not directing families toward any particular support groups, but recognizes the difficulty of mourning under lockdown.

“The public health precautions put in place to help slow the spread of the disease disrupt many typical grieving rituals and make it harder to get the human support that’s so important during hard times,” spokesman Brent Champaco said in an email. “Even if folks can’t find a COVID-specific support group online, they may want to consider a bereavement support group.”

Even that option may now be limited. Notices on the Swedish Hospital and Providence Hospice websites say that in-person grief support groups have been canceled, with phone support limited to those with "urgent bereavement needs."

“A really kind person”

Shu immigrated to the U.S. from Hong Kong in the 1990s, along with Cheung’s parents. A committed Christian, her fellow churchgoers have called the family constantly since her death.

“She was a really kind person, very giving,” Cheung said.

Shu’s ordeal began March 26, when staff from CRISTA Senior Living called her family, telling them two residents had tested positive and that Shu, 95, had a fever. Her own case was confirmed days later — one of at least 26 cases among CRISTA residents.

Initial reports were positive: besides the fever, Shu had a mild cough and still had an appetite, staff said. But for the next 10 days, the family struggled to get updates, calling the facility and getting no reply, Cheung said.

Then, on April 5, staff called to say Shu had been faring poorly, but remained steady. The next morning, they said her oxygen levels had dropped, and that she would likely die within hours.

Although Shu was unresponsive, Cheung’s father called a nurse’s cell phone to say goodbye.

“They FaceTimed her for five minutes,” she said.

Cheung, who's living with her parents in Shoreline, is focusing on finishing her final quarter at UW. But she still hopes to connect with people who are grieving the way she is.

“I don’t like to see so many people deal with it alone,” she said.

Do you know of any support groups for people affected by the coronavirus? If so, email nick.garber@patch.com.

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