A Few Items Short Of A Full Cart

Hi, how are 'ya? Captain Bud here. Anticipating a return to sea life and being low on supplies, I found myself at the local grocery vendor.

I was amazed while standing in line how rankled landlubbers get when I offer suggestions on diet and toiletries. Cap'n Crunch, though I admire his work and mustache, isn't nearly as satisfying as hardtack and gruel, but try finding hardtack today! The woman in front of me assures me that her trips to the head aren't excessive but I question the wisdom of a voyage with only four rolls of tissue. I'm trying to build community by being helpful. Still, people seem shocked by my generosity. Sometimes my advice falls on deaf ears. "Just talk louder", I say to myself, louder and louder.

As my popularity at the checkout continued, I decided to give an impromptu lecture on the proper way to thwart a giant squid that has grabbed hold of your hull. Although the accepted method involves a cattle prod and soft music, I find that humming the "Victory At Sea" theme while brandishing a loaf of french bread works fine for demonstration purposes. I impressed many customers who were just arriving. Surprise is the key.

While making my way to the parking lot, I realized I had forgotten why I had come to the store. Oh well, at least the public is more aware and informed. In this time of shrinking budgets sometimes you need to take public education into your own hands.

Return your cart, stow it properly and beware the giant squid! Steady as she goes.

Best regards,

Captain Bud