6 Conversation Killers and How to Avoid Them Over Thanksgiving

WISCONSIN -- Thanksgiving is once again upon us which means another round of awkwardness around the holidays. Nothing is worse than standing next to a co-worker, friend or family member in awkward silence as you attempt to strike up a conversation.

Here are five stone-cold conversation-killing verbal exchanges you will likely encounter and here is how you can break through them to get a conversation going:

Scenario 1: The “Good”

You: “Hey co-worker, how’s it going?”
Co-worker: “Good.”
Nothing kills the conversation like the “good.” With one word, the “good” stops you in your tracks. You don’t know why co-worker utilizes the “good.” Is it because co-worker wants positive affirmation, or wants to dispatch you as quickly as possible? Nobody knows.
Solution: The “I heard you …”
Nothing gets people talking quite like talking about themselves. The “I heard you” is an open-ended statement that affirms you know something about co-worker, yet leaves the door open for co-worker to provide insight into that experience. "I heard you did this awesome thing the other day," is a great way to get the conversation going.

Scenario 2: The “Nothing Much”

You: “Hey, buddy, what’s up?”
Buddy: “Nothing much.”
Perhaps Buddy’s life is actually really boring. Despite all that Buddy is doing and how jam-packed Buddy’s schedule is, Buddy’s life isn’t going anywhere. And because it isn’t going anywhere, it’s kinda boring.
Solution: The “How about we”
The “How about we” works on many levels. It can take you out of your immediate situation in order to transport the two of you into a more comfortable one: “How about we have a cigarette outside” or “How about we check-in on the big game” are two examples. It’s also a great chance to plan: “If you’re not busy next week, how about we grab a beer after work?”

Scenario 3: The “Work is so busy”

You: “Hey, family member, how’ve you been?”
Family Member: You know, “Work is so busy.”
You think to yourself, “No kidding. Work’s busy, eh? Say, work’s busy for me too. They make me do stuff. Like, all the time.” Maybe they want to talk about work, or maybe they spend too much time working. There’s just no telling.
Solution: The “Tell me about it.”
People love knowing they’re not the only ones for which work is an all-encompassing force that pushes all the cool stuff they want to do to the periphery of their lives. The “tell me about it” opens the door for each of you to relate to one another. Isn’t relating to one another what the holidays is all about?

Scenario 4: The “I’m so tired.”

You: “Hey, aunt or uncle, you doing ok?”
Aunt or Uncle: “Yeah, but I’m so tired.”
Have you ever met anyone who is not tired? Life has a way at grinding away at the most determined soul and despite the abundance of caffeine, it doesn’t matter. The tired person may be tired from holiday stress, from the onset of winter, from life in general or from your bumbling attempt at conversation.
Solution: The “I saw you”
Almost everyone is on social media these days. Most people post stuff on social media that 1) they are proud of 2) they find funny or 3) something they agree with that makes them feel smart. The “I saw you” gets Aunt or Uncle energized about relating to an experience or point-of-view that they took action upon. Chances are, if they were motivated to post it on Facebook, they’re motivated to talk about it.

Scenario 5: The “Triple good.”

You: “Hey dad, how’s the golf game been treating you?”
Dad: “GOOOOD, Good, good.”
Dad’s a pretty awesome fella, and he’s unfailingly polite. The “Triple good” goes beyond simple affirmation, it says “I can’t get away with just saying ‘good’ but I need you to take the conversational lead here.” And that’s okay, because you know your dad, and the way to get dad talking is …
Solution: The “I know, but.”
You’re your father’s kid, and like any father-son/daughter relationship, sometimes you’ve got to play the role of the rebellious young kid. No, that doesn’t mean inciting a full-on revolution, but it does mean tugging the reigns a little bit, ESPECIALLY if it’s in good humor. So when dad says “GOOOOD, Good, good,” in response to your query about his golf game, chime in with “I know, but how many times are you planning on getting an eagle on that par-5 to win a round against your kid?”

Scenario 6: The "K"

You: Blah, blah, blah, life and stuff, blah, girlfriend, blah job, blah.

Friend: K.

Solution: The "What I need from you ..."

You've just been "K'd." Ruthless and efficient, the "K" acknowledges your friend's interest .. and indifference. The "K" cuts your conversation off at the knees and walks away before it can hit the floor with a cold "thud." Reel that friend back in with the "What I need from you ..." line. When your friend hears "What I need from you," it puts them on the spot to elaborate and keep the conversation flowing, but you have to be clever: it has to be an open-ended question.

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image: This image was released by the National Cancer Institute, an agency part of the National Institutes of Health, with the ID 2716 and used under the creative commons licensing law.