Sometimes A Mother's Love Is Tough Love

WAUKESHA, WI — Many years from now, Gavin Armstrong is going to remember the day he missed the bus, and his mom made him walk to school.

Sure, by then he may embellish the story a little. It was uphill both ways, in driving snow, in 30-degrees-below weather. But sometimes a mother's love is tough love, and Nicole Armstrong was going to see this lesson through.

Our story begins on the morning of Friday, Dec. 17, 2017. Gavin is a talented sixth grader at Butler Middle School and usually takes the bus to get there.

On this day, he missed the bus, and mom made him walk the whole 2.7-mile way there. She drove behind him, slowly, making sure he got to school safely.

"It was hard to watch him walk," Nicole said. "Like many other parents, we don't want to see him fail or do something unpleasant."

Nicole told Waukesha Patch that she and her husband are intent on teaching that actions have consequences. "We all have to do things on a daily basis that we don't necessarily like," she said. "I don't think we're doing them any favors when we're constantly buffering them through the problems in life."

In mornings past, the allure of Gavin's school-issue iPad was just too strong. On this particular morning, Gavin just couldn't will himself out of bed. The bus was coming at 7:10 a.m. and he was already running late. First, he ignored his alarm. Then mom came in to wake him up, but each time he rolled over and fell back asleep.

He sauntered off to the shower. Mom told him it was time to turn the water off. Six minutes later, he finally did.

As morning minutes melted away, Gavin dawdled in front of his closet as he got dressed. Mom collected some crackers and a granola bar, figuring he'd have to eat them while he was on the bus. When mom finally tracked Gavin down, she was surprised to find him leisurely preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

"I told him, 'if you miss that bus, you're walking,'" she said. "I said it flippantly, because I thought he'd actually get there." She sent him off to the bus stop, only to have him boomerang back.

He missed the bus. Again.

Waukesha police were called to the area of Summit Ave. and N. Grandview Blvd. just after 8 a.m. Friday on a report that a suspicious vehicle was following an 11-year-old boy who was walking on the sidewalk on his way to school.

The boy was Gavin, and the "suspicious vehicle" was Nicole as she followed her son.

Nicole said the officer put on his lights and pulled her slowly-moving car over. When the officer came to her driver's-side window, she told him the story of how he missed the bus. "The officer said 'well, he's learning about consequences,' and let me go," she said.

She thought about having Gavin walk part of the way there, but told herself, "if I pick him up, I'll have undone this lesson. It's safe, it's not that cold and it's not an unreasonable distance."

When they got to school, Nicole made Gavin fess up as to why he was late. "He was a little irritated with me, but I told him 'I love you and I hope you have a good day.'"

Looking back, Nicole said she wishes she and her husband would have started holding their son more accountable for his actions at an earlier age. "Our only advice to parents is to start early, teach often and offer reinforcement," she said. "Tough love sucks, but you've got to do it a couple of times."

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