Character flaw or addiction?

 I can’t help being a judgmental person. I believe it comes from my self-perceived shortcomings. I’m not proud of this character flaw, but I am aware of it and try to keep it in check. However, I still find myself instantly evaluating people because of the things I see them doing.  Just the other day, I watched with astonished fascination as an obese middle-age woman ate a jelly-filled donut. She savored every bite, and as she chewed, would turn the donut, looking where her next calculated bite would land.  She obviously had a real relationship with this donut. Shortly after the donut, she started on a bag of nacho corn chips. I immediately determined she had no self-control and must be an idiot. I didn’t even know this lady and there I was figuring she was stupid and lazy and all other horrible judgments on her character. Did she have a character flaw or a food addiction?

Probably the group I’m toughest on is smokers. I immediately judge smokers as ignorant weak people just asking for lung cancer, brown teeth, vascular degeneration, ED, etc. I want to yell, “JUST STOP!” but I know it’s not that easy. Smoking is incredibly addictive just as the cigarette companies intended, but with all the evidence of tobacco related illnesses and deaths, why would smokers still smoke? There’s stop-smoking gum, patches, hypnotism, mental health professionals all available to help kick the habit. So why would otherwise intelligent people choose to continue to damage their bodies by smoking? I just don’t get it! Guaranteed, most smokers are addicted, but is it also a character flaw?

So as not to be a hypocrite I will confess:  I am a former smoker. It started during the Disco years,  and ended before the birth of my child. I was never a chain smoker, but I liked it and would light up as soon as I got in the car. Fortunately it was easy for me to quit, and I have not had a cigarette since (except for that party 15 years ago when I took a drag and nearly passed out. I couldn’t get the taste out on my mouth for days).

One of the ways I keep my judgmental character flaw in check is by understanding that overeating and smoking are, in many instances, addictions. According to www.medterms.com , an addiction is “An uncontrollable craving or behavior, seeking, and use of a substance such as alcohol or another drug.” Researchers acknowledge two types of addictions: substance addictions (alcoholism, smoking), and process addictions such as uncontrolled gambling or consumer spending (retail therapy anyone?).

As a long-time personal health and fitness coach, I truly care about people's wellbeing, and I have also determined that some addictions are triggered by experiences in a person’s younger life, such as in the case of my former client ‘Jane.’

Jane was a latch-key kid growing up and her mother would leave a pack of graham crackers, a jar of crunchy peanut butter, and a big glass for whole-milk on the kitchen counter. This was her single mother’s way of showing love and easing her own guilt for not being there for Jane after school. In Jane’s mind, food meant comfort, and she continued to find comfort in food in to adulthood during times of stress, which was practically every day. As a result, she weighed well over 300 pounds. She was smart, funny, successful, and worked hard during our coaching sessions together. None of the character flaws I pin to others in the same physical situation. She added daily exercise to her busy life, but failed to control her food cravings. She needed different professional help than I was qualified to give. The last time I spoke with Jane, she had had a stomach resizing operation and lost over 125 pounds. She was feeling great but said it was a daily battle to control her emotional need for food, AKA: food addiction.

So if you see me sneering at someone eating a bag of chips or a jelly donut, please remind me that things are never as easy as a snap judgment, and as I often say, “Still waters run deep.” Also, please remind me of my addiction of judging people.  Self-awareness is the beginning of the healing process, and I hope to overcome my addiction one of these days. But until then, please forgive my irritating character flaw. Afterall, I’m only human.