Four years ago my nephew Landon (age 17) made a foolish, youthful mistake and died from an accidental perscription drug overdose. Unfortunately this is a bad example of his love of adventure and risk taking. He was a bright, funny, loving kid that always had a mischievous smile and music on his mind. I love and miss him with all my heart.
I don't have kids but often think "if I lost a child, I'd be huddled in the corner with a broken heart forever". I know the pain, sadness, grief I felt/feel as an aunt and cannot even fathom what my sister, brother-in-law and nephew felt/feel. However, over the past years I have seen miraculous things grow from this drastic tragedy. I have learned lesson after lesson and I'd like to share just a few:
- It's ok to ask for help. It is a sign of strength not weakness. I was always one to think "I should be able to do 'this' alone. If I ask for help people will know I don't 'know it all''. I saw Sister (here on out when I refer to Sister I mean my sister, brother-in-law and nephew) seek out help from a wonderful grief psychotherapist who guided them down the path of healing. Because of the courage and strength I saw them model, I now ask for and welcome help. There is no shame and it is really a smart thing to do.
- Let people do for you. This piggybacks on the "ok to ask for help". After Landon died I saw people come from all parts of Sister's life to contribute everything from love/hugs to toilet paper to full meals. Family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, scouts, strangers, neighbors all rallied around in support of the family. They were a little uncomfortable at first to accept but they opened their broken hearts and allowed people to provide. It reminds of the sponsor/sponsee relationships in 12 step programs. Giving "help" is just as much for the sponsor as it is for the sponsee--both benefit. Although it puts me a bit out of my comfort zone, I now allow people to "do for me" because what I saw Sister model.
- Turn lemons into lemonade. It's such a silly cliche but so true. Sister is building a legacy in Landon's name. She has created a foundation i...Landon Korabek OneLove JamFest’s mission is dedicated to remembering Landon's life, his love for music and continuing the never ending endeavor to educate about the dangers of prescription drugs. Money raised is donated to NOPE (Narcotics Overdose Prevention and Education) task force which educates students in middle schools, high schools, and colleges about the consequences of drug consumption. Money is also raised for the Landon Korabek Music Scholarship at Marcia P Hoffman School of the Arts. I see what they have done out of this terrible tragedy and try to use that in my life today.
- Feel your feelings. As a society we are largely taught to stuff our feelings, get over it, real men don't cry, etc. to which I say BS! I saw this family honor EVERY feeling that come up and FEEL them all with out judgement. I know now you really cannot really experience the "highs" without feeling the "lows". Someone once told me "let the tears hit the ground" and I do...it is like a cleansing. It is important to "be" with your feelings and give them space to "happen".
- Don't judge. I continue to learn and practice this lesson. It's so easy to assume and judge others BUT that is the last thing I would have wanted for Sister....so I remember this if I find myself starting to judge others.
- Courage. I have seen Sister demonstrate such courage and the ability to go outside her comfort zone in order to have an impact. Her actions are a huge inspiration to me in moving forward in my life. When we practice courage the possibilities/opportunities are limitless. Check out this video Susan Korabek for being selected by Bay News9 for their “Everyday Hero” Award!.
- Don't hide-stand up and be seen/heard. One of the ways Sister models this behavior is to speak at countless schools for NOPE. She tells Landon's story without shame in order to hopefully save another family the heartbreak. Seeing/hearing her make this presentation is heart wrenching and teaches me not to hide but to get "out there" to have an impact.
- Gratitude and Appreciation. I have learned out of this tremendous loss to practice gratitude daily and appreciate every little thing. I once heard your heart doesn't really repair after it is broken but you can fill the holes with stained glass and let the memories and love shine through to project a beautiful light.
- Love. Even through the pain I saw Sister open her heart and continue to love fiercely. Since this happened I have learned to love deeper and with my whole heart.
Words cannot really describe the strength, hope, faith, courage and love I have seen my sister, brother-in-law, nephew demonstrate. They are such an inspiration to me and I love them with all my heart. As I mentioned in my last blog 'Say "Yes!" to Those That Hear "No!" Too Often' I’m committing to donate 5% of my income to an important charity in addition to the other donations I already make..and the charity is Landon Korabek OneLove JamFest a small thanks for all the lessons I have learned.
