Community Corner
23 Feet of Hotness on a Boat, 4 Feet of Hotness on a Goat
Every Tuesday, Steven Katigbak will be your Diamond Bar classifieds guide, highlighting some of the more interesting local listings found online. This week: The right way to sell a boat, and a call for goats.
When it comes to selling your boat through Craigslist, there is a right and a wrong way. Take this classified, for example. $3000 sounds like a great price, but who wants a 37-year-old boat?
Sure, it sounds like it’s in good shape, but just look at that paint job…how are you supposed to pick up chicks riding around in something with stripes like that?
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Sorry, but this ad is doing nothing for me.
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THIS, on the other hand, is how you sell a freakin’ boat, ladies and gentlemen! Can't you just hear the hip-hop music playing in your head when you read the description?!
23 feet of hotness, brand new paint, interior, motor, everything! And just look at that paint job! This is the kind of boat to be seen in, sporting your stunna shades, playing “I’m On A Boat” at full blast!
When the seller says, “I have a lot of money tied up in this boat and music,” and he hasn’t even taken it out to sea yet, you know that must be one hell of a ride.
Star Wars collectors might be among the most fanatical hoarders out there, but I certainly wouldn’t make fun of them because, being a huge Star Wars fan, I consider myself a fellow Jedi Knight.
However, when it comes to Star Wars merchandise, there is a fine line between stuff worth owning and stuff I wouldn’t take it you gave it to me for free, like…an entire collection of unopened Episode I merchandise.
You see, this seller is in a predicament because real Star Wars fans would rather suffer through lightening attacks from Emperor Palpatine himself than endure memories of Episode I. So I don’t know what the seller is going to do with a boatload of Episode I merchandise.
I mean, what are you supposed to do with Mars Guo’s Podracer? More importantly, who the hell is Mars Guo?
Before that annoying homeless guy with the "golden voice" came along, the name Ted Williams was synonymous with the Hall of Fame baseball player regarded as one of the best of all time. Upon his death in 2002, Williams’ head was cryogenically frozen in hopes that advances in science will ressurect him.
If shows like Futurama are any indication of the real future, Williams should be resurrected in 1000 years (give or take a few centuries) and back in uniform starting in left field for the Milky Way Galaxy Red Sox.
For $200, you can buy his autograph now and pass it on to your Great, Great, Great, Great Grandchildren so that they can brag to their friends, “Oh yeah? Well, I have his autograph from BEFORE he rose from the dead!”
Finally, we have this disturbing wanted ad for a goat. Not just any goat, but a Boer goat, which, according to the Wikipedia entry, is bred specifically for its meat.
Now look, I can’t possibly prove the poster of this ad is going to eat that poor goat, but the fact that they’re asking for a dehorned goat does not make me very confident.
But if you run into anyone near the Cal Poly Pomona area walking around their pet goat in a few weeks, you’ll know that even the shadiest of Craigslist ads can have a happy ending.