Are You an Exercise or Diet Widow(er)?

I recently received a terrific letter from one of my clients. While I had a big smile on my face reading it, and felt that I helped inspire her to new health heights, something hit me toward the end of the letter.

It is an observation I've had for many years — how important a spouse or partner can be in helping you stay healthy — and this letter is a great example:

Dear Patchers,

Many of my friends and relatives make New Year’s resolutions annually, but I have seldom been one to do so. This year was different. As a result of reading Gabriela Klein’s Diamond Bar Patch , I decided on Jan. 6, 2011 to rejoin Weight Watchers and finally commit to losing the ten pounds I had gradually gained over the past seven years. 

It was a struggle for me to admit that I had put on a portion of the 25+ pounds I lost as a Weight Watchers member in 2003. 

I had tried unsuccessfully to drop the extra pounds on my own, but nothing I attempted seemed to work. When you are 55+, those extra pounds just don’t want to budge! 

So on January 6, I swallowed my pride and walked into the Diamond Bar/Pomona Weight Watchers Center where I weighed in (yikes!), learned about the new Points Plus Plan (it’s awesome!), and purchased a monthly pass.  I was on my way!

Back in 2003, I loved the Weight Watchers program, but the new Points Plus Plan is so much better. The old plan calculated points using fat grams and fiber grams as the key factors. Points Plus calculations consider fat and fiber, but also protein and carbs. 

The difference is that the Weight Watchers researchers found that our bodies burn more calories metabolizing lean protein than they do metabolizing carbs.  All foods have point values based upon the four components. 

What is really wonderful is that almost all veggies and fruits have “zero points.”  Based upon one’s height, weight and age, you are given a certain number of points daily in order to lose weight at a healthy pace.  How you choose to use these point is really up to the individual. 

This is a huge benefit if you are dining in a restaurant or with friends. Weight Watchers is not a restrictive, unrealistic diet. It is a lifestyle program that encourages one to make wise choices about the food one eats. I love it because it works! 

I have dined out with friends and family several times since I started the program, and I have still been able to stay on track and lose weight. My husband, by the way, has unofficially partnered with me on the Points Plus Plan and has lost weight with ease.  (Most women agree that men lose weight faster and more easily than women!)

Well, I have been on the new program for not quite one month and I have lost seven pounds so far!  Weight Watchers recommends losing anywhere was “over goal weight.”  I am now close to having that “over goal weight” label removed! 

This time I have resolved to not only reach my goal weight, but to truly maintain my Weight Watchers Lifetime Membership status for the rest of my life from ½ to 2 pounds per week in order to maintain weight loss long term.  In 2003 when I reached my goal weight, I was awarded Lifetime Member status.

When I came back on January 6, I was still a Lifetime Member but was “over goal weight.”  I am now close to having that “over goal weight” label removed!  This time I have resolved to not only reach my goal weight, but to truly maintain my Weight Watchers Lifetime Membership status for the rest of my life.

-Gail

I immediately noticed the support Gail received from her husband, and because of her example, he received benefits as well. They both lost weight.

Some of us can honestly say we are our spouse’s best friend, and support them unconditionally. But for others, it’s more of a struggle, and some, even conflict.

Many trainers, myself included, will tell you that most couples do not exercise together. That might be for a host of reasons, the biggest being that we rarely marry someone with the same physical dynamic or personal drive.

Now, I’m not stereotyping married couples, I am half of one myself. But there is some truth to the idea that the hare does marry the tortoise after all.

Of the thousands of workout addicts I have observed, most are not exercising with their spouses, and most will say that their spouse does not even share their love of sweating it up.

Why is this? The phenomenon of  “getting your sweat on” is as old as man himself, yet finding someone to share this addiction is rare.

Many couples have opposite schedules, some exercise at the same time but do different activities, and then even more will say, “My spouse loves to curl up with a good book while a cake is baking in the oven.”

If you are the couch potato in your relationship, are you happy for your fit other half? Or do you view him or her with a bit of disdain? Does she seem a bit obsessed? Does he constantly look at himself in the mirror? Does she tell you what to eat?

Does he give you “the look” if you order something other than a salad? You may be at the end of your rope with your body-conscious mate, or you may have one that allows for your indulgences while they themselves tow the line in silence.

It is a good question. Did you marry your opposite? How do you handle the fitness and body image of the other spouse?

It can be tough on a relationship. That is true. But are there things an active spouse can do to nudge their partner in the right direction? Of course.

Be a good role model and don't nag

Being pushy is just annoying. Have you had anyone order you around? It creates resentment and feelings of doubt and even being unloved or misunderstood. Concentrate on your own good habits, and avoid being the mother hen.

Encouragement is good

OK, so you aren’t nagging, right? You can invite, offer, and bribe your dear one to join you for a stroll around the block after dinner. Maybe the gym is too big of a step, but a trip to the beach and a drink at a beachside cantina might work. Flies like honey, right?

Make it sound fun

How about a mini-marathon this weekend? Or a two hour tour to the gym to meet your exercise buddies? For the buff one, this sounds good. To the fluffy one, it is torture. Start slow, be grateful for the effort, be supportive, and listen.

Honesty counts

“You are getting fat.” Is not a statement anyone wants to hear, ever. Even your medical doctor who has some authority to be blunt and tell you straight up, won’t. Have some tact, season your words with salt to make them palatable, and be nurturing. Let them know how good they will feel after, and if they want to end early, no problem. You might say, “I just want to be with you, darling.”

Ask for help

You can play the victim a bit. Maybe you need help washing the car, pulling weeds, or washing the windows. While this isn’t "exercise," it does provide good calorie burning movement, and who knows what that may lead to.

Build trust

This might seem obvious, but necessary to mention. Being positive means your spouse will trust you not to be judgmental, negative, and thus, unloving. Even if you really do not respect your spouse’s laziness, love and respect will win a person over eventually. Patience is a virtue.

Most of my clients with a couch potato spouse are disappointed and frustrated. They say “I just want him (or her) to be healthy. I don’t want to be worried about their health.”

Don’t give up. Invite, be kind, and be complimentary. Your relationship will be better for it.