Oikos Shooting Leads to Frank Talk With Sixth-Graders About Bullying

On Monday, April 2, at in Oakland, a 43-year-old former student opened fire on his classmates, according to police. I spoke to my group of sixth-graders Tuesday morning about the tragedy.  I explained that some reports are saying that the suspect, who is Korean, was "teased" because he spoke poor English.

Insightful as they are, my group of 10- and 11-year-olds asked, "Why would someone bring a gun to school and shoot people?"

I found myself struggling to find an appropriate answer. So I responded as honestly as possible.  "I don’t know.  I think some people feel so sad and so hurt that they don’t think clearly.  They don’t see any other option."

This response led to the following statement from another young girl. "I heard on the news that every 15 minutes, someone commits suicide, and a lot of the time it’s because they feel like there is no other option."

The most poignant statement was this: "My friend was making fun of this kid, and I asked him why he was doing that.  He said, he didn’t mean to hurt the boy’s feelings, but he was dealing with a lot of his own stuff.  I told him he shouldn’t take it out on the other boy."

As is becoming more and more known, bullies typically are people that have been bullied themselves.

As a math teacher, the State of California, , and the administration at , all encourage me to use my class time to teach the designated mathematics curriculum. 

At this moment, that was the farthest thing from my mind.  If "bullying" were a swimming pool, middle schoolers would be in the deep end. They go through so much change, physically, emotionally, hormonally, that they are grasping at anything to fit in.  Many cannot filter their actions and what comes out of their mouths. They need the constant reminder that words can cut deep and just because it’s followed with a "just kidding" doesn’t mean the damage hasn’t been done. 

I often tell my students a personal story from when I was in the third grade.

 Many of my friends and I were invited to a birthday party.  After school one day, a classmate said to me, "The only reason Beth invited you to her party is because she knows your mom gives good presents."

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I think about it now and want to grab my 7-year-old self and give her a big hug and say, "Forget that girl, she’s just a mean girl." In my 20s I ran into that classmate at a party, and she said to me, "You know, I was so mean to you growing up, I’m really sorry." It was a nice gesture, but it didn’t change the years of insecurities I felt around personal relationships.

As "villagers" raising not only our own children but everyone’s children, I urge you to SPEAK UP!  When you hear kids teasing each other, say something.  You don’t need to make it a huge issue, but acknowledging that a child’s words aren’t kind could make a difference.

Don’t say, "Oh, they aren’t my kids, let their parents correct them." NO, they are your kids!  What comes out of your child’s friends mouth will surely come out of your own child’s mouth one day, usually just not in your presence.

If his or her parent has a problem with that, so be it! More often than not, they will appreciate your care and concern.  If they don’t, that’s their issue, not yours!