Couples Counseling -- Don't Wait!

One of my specialties is couples counseling, so I frequently field calls from clients seeking help for their relationship.  Some callers are certain they need help and eagerly set up an appointment; others waffle.  The wafflers, I find, may have recently had a big fight or are momentarily fed up, but when the reality of seeing a mental health professional hits them, they lose their nerve.  Their relationship, ironically, is not yet bad enough.

And yet there's the rub:  the longer clients wait to begin therapy -- any therapy -- the more entrenched their dysfunctional behavior often becomes.  With couples especially, love and connection wanes with each unresolved dispute, sarcastic barb, or withdrawal into TV, the Internet, or the kids.

When a couple is in crisis but is on the fence about scheduling an appointment, I give them two pieces of advice:  One, time is of the essence -- get help immediately!  The longer a couple waits to begin therapy, the harder it is to re-knit the love and attraction they once felt for one another.  Yes, couples therapy is an emotional and financial investment, but it pales in comparison to the cost of a messy divorce or painful breakup.  I have heard countless times in my office:  "We needed you a year ago before things got this bad."  The best we can do at that point is roll up our sleeves and repair the damage.  Sometimes we can save it, but sometimes the damage is too deep.

My second piece of advice is this:  Have faith that whatever happens during counseling, your life will improve...eventually.  Either you will rock the boat and your relationship will flourish again or the relationship will end.  If it's the latter and the relationship fails, you will have learned valuable lessons that prime you for a better, more satisfying union with a new partner.  Whatever happens to the relationship, life will get better regardless.

If you're considering counseling of any kind, be bold and make the call soon.  Your happier, more fulfilling, and less lonely life is out there waiting for you.