Cops Oust Floating Flamingo Rafters From L.A. River

LOS ANGELES, CA — Only in LA would a trio of rafters lazily floating down the river on a sunny afternoon trigger a circus of news and police helicopters.

But the incongruous spectacle of a giant inflatable pink flamingo floating down the LA River Monday afternoon was enough to turn heads and turn on the police sirens.

Police in Vernon ‘pulled over’ the pink flamingo trio rafting in the LA River - something that may or may not be a crime, but is definitely “idiotic,” police concluded. As onlookers and news crews gawked, everyone wondered if they were watching a stunt, an emergency, a crime, or a bit of all three. Because nobody floats in LA.

“I saw them on TV, and it didn’t seem like they were arrested or anything,” said Los Angeles Police Department spokesman Officer Drake Madison.

Madison wasn’t sure if he was witnessing a crime. There were probably ‘no trespassing’ signs posted along the way, he mused.

“Obviously what they did was idiotic,” he concluded.

Police in Vernon had the same head-scratching reaction.

“So the honest-to-God truth is our officers were out on another incident and saw the news chopper overhead,” said Vernon Police Department Lt. Brandon Gray.

So they called into dispatch to find out what was going on and learned that of the giant pink flamingo meandering down the LA River.

As most Angelenos know, the LA River is not exactly a nature lover’s dream. Instead of waterfalls, there are storm drains. Instead of tree-lined banks, there are homeless encampments. It boasts miles of algae-slimed concrete instead of sandy shores, and discarded shopping carts and other sharp objects are far more likely to line the river bottom than fish or river rocks. Flushed with the rain runoff from Los Angeles streets, the water isn’t known for being healthy to swim in.

Worried for the rafters’ safety, police put an end to the adventure.

“They made contact with them and had them come to shore,” said Gray. “The three guys in the boat were very cooperative. They said they were there to have fun.”

In fact, the trio were YouTubers hoping to go viral, and at least one was an Englishman who had attempted a similar stunt the week before by tying eight air-mattresses together to make a raft. That ill-fated trip ended when a California Highway Patrol helicopter circled above, forcing the foreign rafters to Google CHP and discover that they had provoked a police response.

None of the rafters were arrested.

The officers who stopped them on Monday were forced to explain the obvious.

“They were told it’s not the safest thing to do to float the LA River. It’s not your typical river,” Gray said. “They appreciated the advice, and they were very apologetic.”

Photo: Youtube screengrab