How A Child's Age Can Affect Their Response To A Divorce

A child’s reaction to a divorce differs among every child for a variety of reasons. Children’s adjustment is directly influenced by the divorce circumstance and how their parents are adjusting. Hostile environments and tension often build up in a household and can negatively affect the kids. Household stress can also trigger child custody issues, which can further alter tension and how a child reacts to a divorce. Additionally, the age of a child when a divorce occurs is another major determinant on how he or she will understand and cope. How we understand and respond to events changes as we age, so it is important to take into account a child’s learning development at the time of the divorce.

Infants

An infant requires consistency and stability in a household in order to begin to understand his or her surroundings. Routines for kids at this age are critical to create security for the child. For example, daily eating and sleeping routines help an infant create a schedule and identify the time of day. In similar terms, infants can sense inconsistent tension between their parents. Although they aren’t able to identify the divorce, infants can feel the erratic emotions, which could further lead to insecurities. In order to relieve some of the tension that could be present, be aware of the consistencies you can control with an infant. Keeping them on a schedule can alleviate some of the stress they might feel during a divorce.

Toddlers

Toddlers are able to understand much more than we typically give them credit for; according to Psych Central, long lasting, conscious memories begin to stick at age 3. We have to remember that young children are very attentive to social interaction at this age and patterns they pick up tend to stick with them as they grow up. Additionally, toddlers are often very self-centered and require a lot of attention; therefore, a divorce can be a major disruption to their needs. Children at this age often struggle with how to respond. Having one parent around sporadically during this stage of their life can be difficult to process. Things to keep in mind for a toddler during a divorce include:

• Be civil with your partner. Although things may not be working out in a relationship, you still want to teach your child camaraderie in a family.
• Be attentive to the toddler’s needs. Children at this age need a lot of attention, and it is important to not neglect them.

School-Aged Children

At this point in a child’s development, he or she understands the definition of a family and has learned the roles of each family member; therefore, a divorce may be seen as a deviant act. Often children will resent the idea of divorce and see it as a form of abandonment. That resentment and sorrow may cause a child, at this age, to lash out at one, or both, parents. In attempts to prevent scenarios like this, it is important for both parents to spends a lot of personal time with a child at this age. On the other end, young children may seclude themselves because they feel alone. Encourage young kids to stay active in school activities, hang out with friends, and engage in sports.

Above all, communication is really important to value and can help influence how a child will react to the divorce. A lot of change takes place during a divorce, and children, at any age, will be affected. Call a family law attorney to discuss all of the legal changes and talk to your children about the outcomes a divorce will bring to the family.