No Expectations: I Don't Know Squat

Squat [skwot]:  To sit in a low or crouching position with the legs drawn up closely beneath or in front of the body; sit on one's haunches or heels.

Since I've started this workout program, I've been able to grasp most of the exercises I've had to learn fairly quickly.  Performing them adequately is another matter entirely, but at least I've gotten the mechanics of them down pretty well.  I've lunged, pushed, pulled, walked, run, jumped, thrown and carried.

But so far, I have been unable to squat.  My last workout was quite humiliating.  I was just supposed to put my hands together over my head, and squat.  What could be more simple?

Well, my knees were too far forward, I bent my back too much, I was too far on my toes, then too far on my heels.  But mostly, as I was told time and again, I wasn't sticking my, um, backside out far enough.  Apparently a squat isn't a squat unless you stick out your butt.  Who knew?

Eventually my trainer had me face the wall, in front of a bench.  The bench was supposed to keep me from moving my knees too far forward.  That part worked fine, but I still wasn't squatting low enough.  So I went lower, then lower, then promptly wound up flat on the backside I wasn't sticking out far enough.  Maybe that's why you need to have it out so far, so it's easier to land on?

It finally came to this: My trainer brought out a short platform, set a large weight on it, and placed it behind me, so that when I would inevitably fall, I would have somewhere to land.  Then she placed a yoga mat on the weight to lessen the... impact.  And that's how I proceeded--hands clasped over my head, standing straight up, then lowering myself until I would ultimately land on the improvised bench.

Maybe it'll take some time before I can do a proper squat.  But if you're looking for someone who can do a mean "sit," I'm your man!