No Expectations: Wardrobe Malfunction

I realized when I started this workout thing that I would be a novice at pretty much everything. I never thought that would include my gym shorts.

Let me explain. After a couple of sessions at the gym, I realized I needed some more appropriate apparel. So I stopped at one of the local big-box stores and picked up a couple pair on the cheap. No sense investing a small fortune on something I might only wear a few times, right?

So I bring them home. About 15 minutes before I'm supposed to hit the gym, I go to put them on and realize I have a problem. Instead of having a normal drawstring around the waist, with two ends that you draw tight and tie into a bow, the string is one continuous loop. How the $))?@$)?@ are you supposed to tie this?

Now, instead of reacting like a normal person and just putting on another pair of shorts, leaving this mind-bender until after I return, I panic and try frantically to figure out how to fashion some sort Eagle-Scout-level knot so my new active wear won't fall down in the middle of a squat-thrust or something. Somehow I manage to twist the cord into enough of a pretzel to get me through my workout without incident.

Still, I know this can't be the right way to do this. Even with the knot, the loop's so friggin' long it nearly hangs out of my shorts. Once I get home, I hop on the interwebs to try to get some answers. And it hits me -- here I am, a reasonably intelligent, college-educated guy, using a computer to learn how to keep my pants up.

Who knew the most humbling experience of my workouts so far wouldn't be anywhere close to the gym?