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A couple of months ago, I attended a bridal show at the Tennessee Gardens in Redlands. The very first question each of the fabulous vendors asked while I inhaled the aroma of the colorful rose bouquets, while I sampled the rich, European, wedding cake, while I admired photos capturing the embraces and faces of matrimonial frolic was: “So…when are YOU getting married?”
“Ahem. Never…again,” I mumbled, quickly.
I know, I know. What in the wedding world was I doing at a bridal show if I have no intent of getting married? As an exuberantly curious journalist, I was there to write a business-related story.
According to Wikipedia, 2.5 million weddings occur every year in the United States, generating $40 billion annually for the industry. USA Today reports that the average cost for a wedding in California hovers around $27 thousand. If it makes you feel any better, New Yorkers part with $65 thousand, on average, for nuptials.
When you think about it, marriage IS a binding contract and a joint, business endeavor, much easier to get into than to get out of. The institution holds a no-return policy and absolutely, NO GUARANTEES. I’m just guessing and giggling about the difficulty in broaching the topic of m-m-m-money as a worthy, relationship detail.
At this stage in my life (I’m 55 years old; the NEW 45), I’d bet that a number of DATING, COMMITTED couples are willing to disclose some really personal information to one another, given time. After moving beyond the initial physical attraction, the basic inquiries remain pretty simple: name, job, marital status, kids, living arrangements, hobbies, valid driver’s license, vehicle, obvious NUANCES (hygiene, fitness, vocabulary), courteousness, CASH FLOW. There! I said it.
Now, friends, wouldn’t I just be apoplectic if a gentleman were to ask me something like, “…so, how much do you still owe on the snappy BMW out in the parking lot?” or “Do you have outstanding student loans?” or “Who’s your medical insurance carrier?” or “Does your former husband happily and easily pay child support on time?” or “What’s in your wallet besides a CPR card, honey?”
Emphatically, YES! But, aren’t these valid, monetary questions for a relationship evolving into MORE of a commitment toward teamwork; such an impractical, but accurate word. Ahhh. That’s a sweet paradigm and how often it’s overlooked-- not always replete with negative, financial implications. .
In his article entitled: The Top Six, Marriage-Killing, Money Issues, appearing on the Investopedia.com, James McWhinney suggests that a prenuptial agreement may avert any brewing, MARITAL discord about finances. Really? On the business side of things, I’m inclined to agree, but when I think about it, a prenuptial agreement isn’t an issue. Why? If a sublime, irreconcilable difference is looming over the register of my KEEN intuition PRIOR to marriage, chances are it WILL manifest on the emotional and financial register after the wedding.
I don’t know about you, but my rose-colored glasses and my heart have been known to cloud my judgment, especially in my youth. Kerry Hannon espouses using good judgment in Forbes Magazine, suggesting that couples eventually LEARN to appreciate one another’s differences. She’s been married for 20 years. Money and Marriage: 6 Tips for Success, provides common marital tenets, as well as the lovely, Navajo Wedding Blessing used in Hannon’s wedding ceremony.
On the starry-eyed, blissful side of marriage, TRUST is a huge element, isn’t it? I believe the things he shares about OUR future TOGETHER -- to some degree. Neither wind, nor rain, nor sleet, nor snow, nor buxom secretary, nor handsome hunk, nor chronic illness, nor addiction shall separate us! MOST significant, life-changing events TEST the mettle of ALL marital commitments, worldwide.
I’d be remiss to address this because EVERY couple experiences a litany of very personal, challenging sagas for the duration of their marriage. How they withstand and emerge for the better, over many, many years, is truly divine and inspirational.
My mom and dad, John and Marian, were married for 60 years. Shortly before my mom died in the summer of 2010, I asked about her secret to marital longevity. She laughed, hysterically.
“Honey, there’s no secret. I love your dad, no matter what,” she said. I asked my dad the same question before he passed away last year. He shared that both his memory and his hearing waxed and waned over the years.
“I can’t remember any disagreement with your mom that couldn’t be resolved over strong coffee and jelly donuts, sprinkled with lots of love,” he said.
Just in case the definition of love eludes you, as it does me, quite frequently, in the Bible, I Corinthians, chapter 13, describes the ideal. I can move mountains with a bank account to exceed Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, combined, but if I don’t give nor receive love, I’m essentially bankrupt.
Douglas Jerrold said, "In all of the wedding cake, hope is the sweetest plum.”
Listen, I don’t mean to stomp on the plum of altruism, nor the hopes and dreams of promising couples everywhere, but it was VERY TEMPTING for me to plan a PARTY, sans the bride and groom fluff. Any bridal theme is akin to a whimsical fairy tale in which I want to partake, so this weekend, I’m going on a solo money moon to Laughlin!
If you’re planning a wedding or a festive event, make sure you check out the photos I snapped of some of a FEW of the notable wedding vendors. Slate a tour of the Tennessee Gardens Event Center: 619 Tennessee St., Redlands: 909.793.5311. Some of the most ornate, fluffy, moist wedding cake I’ve ever tasted was provided by Michelle’s Bakery: 909.792.5436.
David’s Bridal featured beautiful models donning eye-catching, sparkling wedding gowns. Other purveyors of fine, wedding fare:
KOLA 99.9 FM Jesse Duran: http://www.kolafm.com
Code Blue Photo Booths ~ 909.912.4538
http://www.codebluephotobooth.com
Ultimate Limousines ~ 951.687.1498
http://www.ultimatelimosandsedans.com
Party Plus ~ 909.335.2811
http://www.partyplusredlands.com
Michelle Smith Photography ~ 909.649.1635 http://www.michellesmithphotography.com
Redlands Tennessee Florist ~ 909.792.7122
http://www.redlandstnflorist.com
Tennessee Gardens ~ 909.793.5311
http://www.tngardens.com
Michelle’s Bakery ~ 909.792.5436
http://www.michelles-online.com
David’s Bridal, Redlands ~ 909.792.9835
http://www.davidsbridal.com
