Avoiding a Family Crisis in Long-Term Care

Several years ago I was a member of a men's support group. One of the men in the group, we'll call Paul, was happily married. His wife, Susan, was a stay-at-home mom raising their five-year old son.

Susan realized that after her mother died, her father was losing his memory and was unable to care for himself. So, she asked her husband if Jack could move in with them. Not understanding what they were getting into or that there were alternatives, Paul agreed

Jack's entire estate planning assumed he would die first and never considered an extended disability. When Jack's wife died he was devastated. When asked how he was doing, he said fine. 

 Several months later Jack was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. The stress level from his erratic behavior was so great, that the two of them were arguing all the time. Divorce was being discussed. Paul's successful business was in chaos because Paul, an expert witness in his field, had to cancel one trip after another to support Susan. 

Is this unusual? Not really. Is this the best way to go? Absolutely not! What saved Paul and Susan was luck.  Susan's siblings stepped in and had Jack move in with them. The tragedy is not what happened but that it could have been avoided.

What Paul and Susan could have done will be discussed in future columns. Today we are going to look at what you can do to avoid family crises. The first step is to ask the following questions of your loved ones.  The second step is to take action, which may include talking to an elder law attorney or an insurance broker who specializes in long term care insurance and elder issues. 

Many adult children are afraid to talk to their parents because they are afraid that their parents will think that they are only interested in the money. If this sounds like you, you have to move past that fear and start communicating. The questions below will help you.  If you do not address these questions now while every one is healthy or has time to make changes, you could be the next Paul and Susan.

• Do you have enough assets to sustain a healthy spouse if one of you needs an extended hospitalization or nursing care? 
• What does your income look like and how much will continue if one spouse dies? 
• Do you have enough to pay for long term care that continues for more than three years? 
• What types of insurance do you have? 
• Are your legal documents current and in alignment or are they stale and out of date?  (Once a person dies a revocable trust becomes irrevocable and cannot be changed.)
• Is there an up-todate will and powers of attorney for both health and financial matters? 

And most important, the same questions apply to you!

Harold Lustig CLU, ChFC is the president of the California Estate and Elder Planning Center in San Rafael, whose mission is to help seniors maintain financial security. He specializes in financial and estate planning, insurance planning and as Managing Member of Lustig Financial Services LLC provides investment advice and asset management. He can be reached at 472-1290 or Harold@haroldlustig.net.