George Lucas = Michael Jackson? Concert in the Loft, Soccer Under the Lights

Good morning, Granbys! Today is Thursday, Oct. 13, 2011; there are 78 days left in the year.

I’ve given this a lot of thought (read: 17 minutes), and when it comes to the original “Star Wars” Trilogy, George Lucas suffers from Michael Jackson Plastic Surgery Syndrome or MJPSS(tm).

The parallels are uncanny, as both men just couldn’t leave well enough alone, taking what was once a great thing(s) to look at and turning it/them into something that was freakish and no longer resembled anything like the original.

I have broken down MJPSS and how it relates to Lucas into four separate and distinct phases.

1. The Original Phase - The Jackson 5 years/The original three “Star Wars” movies - "Star Wars," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi." Classics, pure and simple. Yes, even with the Ewoks "Yub yubbing" all over the place. Oh, for the simpler times of “ABC, 1,2,3” and when Han shoots Greedo first in the cantina scene of Episode IV, A New Hope. Sigh.

2. “Ok, That’s Cool” Phase - This consisted of the “Thriller” years, circa 1982-86, for Jackson, when he mostly just tinkered with his nose. Back then, you looked at him and you said, “Yeah, I can live with that.” He dated Brooke Shields. He bought the Elephant Man’s bones. He was eccentric. Yeah. That’s the code word we use for people with lots of money who are kooks. Eccentric.

Similarly, Lucas gave his films the equivalent of a minor nose job in 1995 when he retouched them for a VHS re-release that included THX sound. And it was cool. A nice touch up of the films to make them look and sound a little cleaner. Little did we know that this was not the end, but instead was the beginning of an insidious pattern, which eventually gave way to the...

3. “Um, Dude...” Phase - This is when things become more than a little uncomfortable. For Jackson, this period of time occurred around 1987 to 1990, when rumors of sleeping in oxygen chambers and skin lightening procedures overshadowed his music, which primarily consisted of the “Bad” album during that era. People started distancing themselves. He didn’t look right, but he still sounded the same. So we were still kinda on board. Creepy, yeah, but he could still sing and dance, right? "Dirty Diana" was a nice "Billie Jean" reboot, even though we all didn't need to be convinced any longer that "Billie Jean" was not his lover. He was just getting too dang close to Emmanuel Lewis.

When Lucas re-released the original three films in 1997, he included heavy CGI enhancements and insertions of deleted scenes. Yeah, we recognized them for what they were, but they just didn’t look right. So, OK, George, you proved your point. You can go back and try to re-write the past.

Surely that was it. Jackson and Lucas were both done, right? Nope. Evidently, massive plastic surgery and altering movie masterpieces are like eating Lays potato chips. You just can’t do it once. Eventually, you hit...

4. “OH, MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT?!” Phase - For Jackson, this was everything after 1991. No need to go into it. Some things are better left unexplored.

Lucas, for his part, also hit this stage when he released the three prequel films - “The Phantom Menace,” “Attack of the Clones” and “Revenge of the Sith,” in 1999, 2002 and 2004, respectively. Lucas also re-released the original movies on DVD in 2004, with even more changes. He ultimately sank into what can only be his final descent into madness this year, when he basically threw up all over all six movies for ANOTHER huge DVD re-release by chucking everything he possibly could into them, such that they kind of look like Michael Jackson on celluloid.

So, are we done? Nope. Prepare yourself for 3D releases in theaters. Ugh. The only thing we can hope for, Obi Wan Kenobi, is that he leaves “Raiders of the Lost Ark” alone. Wait. He gave us “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.”

I hate you George Lucas.

Here is your Daily 5:

1. The series at Holcomb Farm continues with singer/songwriter David Berkeley. The grounds open at 5:30 p.m. for pre-concert tailgating, while the loft doors open at 7 p.m. for general seating. The concert starts 7:30 pm. Advance tickets are $25 online or call 860-844-8616.

2. The in Collinsville will present Women Aloud and A Tennessee Parody, two weekends of staged readings on October 14, 15, 21 and 22.

3. The boys and girls soccer teams' games under the lights tonight have been postponed until tomorrow at 6 p.m. and 8 p.m.

4. also kicks off homecoming weekend today with, among other things, a volleyball match a 4 p.m.

5. airs tonight at 6 p.m on Cox Public Access TV Channel 15.