Communicating with Your Aging Parents

Clear and effective communication is vital as your parents age and they begin to need assistance.

Unfortunately, successful communication is also one of the most difficult tasks.

ASSUMPTIONS

Many things can interfere with of good communication.

Two of the biggest stumbling blocks are the assumptions made by both you and your parents, about each other:

YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOUR PARENTS

You might think you know what your parents need and want, and what is best for them.

These assumptions may prevent you from really hearing what they have to say.

Remember that your parents have the right to make their own decisions, even if you don’t agree.

YOUR PARENTS’ ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT YOU

Your parents might think, that since they are your parents, they know everything about you and your needs and wants.

These assumptions may keep them from really listening and under- standing what you have to say.

Assumptions on both sides can prevent clear and concise communication, and may even result in arguments, anger and resentment.

Most importantly, discuss critical issues early, while they are still mentally sharp.

TIPS FOR COMMUNICATING

So what can you do to break through the assumptions?

What can you do to ensure that the paths of communication stay open?

To follow are some tips:

• Set Aside Appropriate Times to Talk

• Set aside a time that is good for all of you to talk.

• Choose a time when everyone will be relaxed and comfortable - on a Saturday morning or after dinner, perhaps.

• Make sure that everyone knows that this will be a time to talk - and listen.

• You may want to ask someone the family trusts and respects to sit in and help facilitate the initial discussion.

As a Board certified case manager, I often help facilitate a family discussion about concerns, needs, challenges, and what is perceived to be working and not working, and an action plan moving forward.

TALK ABOUT ONE THING AT A TIME

Try to limit the discussion to one thing at a time.

Make a list of related things that need to be covered - and don’t start other topics until each topic has been thoroughly discussed.

EQUAL TIME FOR TALKING AND LISTENING

Make sure that everyone involved has time both to talk and to listen.

You might even consider setting “ground rules,” where someone can have the floor to themselves for five minutes at a time, but must then let someone else talk for an equal amount of time.

AVOID BLAME

Try to speak in “I” terms, such as “I’m concerned because…” or “I feel bad since I live an hour away, and I’m not doing as much to help as I’d like.”

Don’t blame others. Even if you think something is their fault, you won’t get anywhere by telling them so.

Try to forgive - if not forget - so that you can move forward.

AVOID EXAGGERATIONS

Be careful not to say things like “You always... or “You never…” or “I always...”

These are most likely not completely true, and they can only hinder the conversation.

FOCUS ON ISSUES AND SOLUTIONS

Take a practical approach to the discussion.

Have someone take notes of what each person says.

Identify issues that everyone agrees on, and then come up with lists of possible solutions.

Discuss the pros and cons of the different solutions, and try to agree by the end of the discussion on which ones are most viable.

Source: Parlay International

THE VALUE OF A BOARD CERTIFIED CASE MANAGER

What is a Board Certified Case Manager?

Board certified case managers are specialists who assist seniors, people with special needs and their families in planning for and implementing ways to allow for the greatest degree of health, safety, independence, and quality of life

Board certification is the mark that sets case managers apart, demonstrating that they have the education, experience, and knowledge to take and pass a national certification exam.

In addition to the rigorous knowledge and experience base necessary to achieve certification, a professional must also be committed to upholding the professional and ethical standards in the “Code of Professional Conduct for Case Managers”.

Board Certified Case Managers Can Help:

• Facilitate a family discussion

• Understand and coordinate individual healthcare needs

• Advocate for a person’s needs while in the home, doctor’s office, ER or hospital, or other
facility

• Facilitate discharge plans from a hospital or short rehab facility

• Coordinate a spectrum of home healthcare services

• Much much more

Photo from Microsoft

The information in this article is provided as an information resource only, and is not to be used or relied on for any diagnostic or treatment purposes. This information is not intended to be patient education, does not create any patient provider relationship, and should not be used as a substitute for professional diagnosis and treatment.

Please consult your health care provider for an appointment, before making any healthcare decisions or for guidance about a specific medical condition.

____________________________________________________________________________

Linda Ziac is the owner and founder of The Caregiver Resource Center. Linda founded her company in October 1990, and provides concierge case management and advocacy services for seniors, people with special needs and families.

Linda’s professional career spans 39 years in the health and mental health field as a CT Licensed Professional Counselor, CT Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor, Board Certified Case Manager, and Board Certified Dementia Practitioner.

Linda’s role is to work with the client, their family and healthcare professionals to help assess, plan for and implement ways to allow for their greatest degree of health, safety, independence, and quality of life. We are often asked to help when a person is taken to the ER, is in the hospital, or there is a need to help assess and implement a plan to address a person’s day to day needs.

This process involves identifying a client’s abilities and needs, and helping to design a care plan (road map) that is composed of a spectrum of services, that best meets the unique needs of that particular client. A client and their family select the services that they want, and they only pay for those services.

http://www.CaregiverResourceCenter.com