The Freelance Retort: Blog Fog

The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney

Every year, right about this time, I seem to encounter a blog fog.

Just a hazy period where good ideas are hard to come by, and the ones that do appear seem to be lost behind a wall of fluffy gauze.

They’re out there, but I just can’t seem to get to them…nor do I feel particularly motivated to try.

Not sure why this happens. I guess my mind—you know, the one with a mind of its own—just wants a rest from all this absurdity I force upon it, day in and day out.

Oh sure, I could tell you all about my recent discovery…the one about how my butt shelf is shrinking.

You know, the small part at the top of my butt that my pants have, for most of my life, secured themselves over so they don’t constantly slip down to expose my plumber’s crack to the world.

For years and years my jeans fit snug and secure—sometimes too snug and secure—around my waist, but now I find more and more I’m constantly grabbing them from the back and hitching them back in place.

My first thought was that Levi’s was making their waist bands a bit more pliable to allow for the expanding national girth of the Baby Boom generation, without hurting their feelings. They’ve already taken liberties with sizing, so why not the stretchabilty factor. How else would you explain a 35 inch waist fitting semi-comfortably into a 33 inch pair of 505’s?

But, no…soon I started experiencing the same phenomena in all kinds of below the waist garments. Sweatpants, pajamas, bathing suits…even my old faithful, tightly whities…which yes, I do still wear, and yes, I’m proud to share.

So there….

Everything slipping down my backside.

What up wit dat?

See, that’s me talking cool—italics and all—to diminish the “aging” aspect of all of this and to show I’m still relevant, with or without my collection of Cowsills memorabilia.

I finally mentioned this to Z, healthcare professional that she is, to see if there was some sort of technical, medical phenomena she was aware of that might explain all of this.

Without even hesitating she said….

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