The Freelance Retort: December 5th...a significant time of year?

The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney

December 5th has always held great significance for me.

Not sure why.

Maybe because it comes between December 4th and December 6th, which, by comparison, hold absolutely no significance to me.

So in the end, we can probably conclude that December 5th is really nothing to write home about either.

Unless I was trying to write a nostalgic holiday reverie about some life changing event that occurred one frosted December 5th in years gone by.

Maybe the day my dad bundled us all up in our old blue grey, 48 Chevy 4 door, as we went out to buy my first Christmas tree.

But nah…that’s not it.

Or maybe the time my mom dragged me out to the local department store for my first ever face to face encounter with Santa Claus who smelled of stale cigarettes and beer….maybe that was it.

No…I don’t think so. I think that was December 9th.It could be the day that my dad tested and strung all of our outdoor Christmas lights and then broke out all those colorful words when they blew a fuse 5 minutes after they were lit.

It could be that day, but, no...I was usually locked away in the pantry until all the cords were untangled, hung up and actually working.

I do have a vague memory of being allowed to spend an afternoon with my grandma, one day, every year, and helping her—in the sense that the cat helps decorate the tree—make those cookies she dipped in grape jelly and honey.

But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that. Maybe it was the day that Uncle Shamus told me he was going to take me downtown and introduce me to his kind of “spry little elves”…just before Aunt Mary threw the frying pan at him.

Or it could have been the time I was chosen to play Joseph in the 8th grade nativity play…but no, now that I think of it…I had to resign the role just before the big show when I came down with a case of Fifth Disease…so maybe I’m mixing my fifths.

So, I’m not really sure what it is.

I could be anything….

But definitely not the day Marybuttercup Pennyloafers held that mistletoe over my head and…

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