The Freelance Retort: Howling for Halloween

Graphic By Stuart Miles

The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney

Well, we all know what tonight is and if we don’t, the sight of Zombies across the street in costume should be a dead give a way—or un-dead giveaway.

Of course they don’t really need to dress up, but they’re sensitive to the fact that most people are still skittish around them, so they like to show folks they’re really no different than anyone else.

You know, except for the fact that they’re re-exanimated corpses and they don’t really like the Food Network.

Other than that….

So there they are, all dolled up as various characters from Toy Story and Frozen…even a couple of Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles, which actually works for them.

I was talking to Burt about it, yesterday, as they were putting the final touches on the various trap doors and false walls they installed in their spook house. He said, or I think he said that they find it safer to go with the more popular cartoon themes, rather than dressing up as other ghouls.

They tried that a few years back, and some of the local werewolves, witches and vampires kind of got bent out of shape over it.

Not that it was surprising to see the vampires and witches getting their noses out of joint—they’re sensitive to every little slight imaginable—but it was out of character for the werewolves to start howling about it; especially back then, when they weren’t the most popular lycanthropes in town.

Anyway, it got me thinking back to when I was a kid, and the difficulty I had coming up with a suitable costume, every year.

I mean, talk about stress producing. I pretty much started agonizing over it the second I unloaded my bag of candy and began arranging them by size and color.

Of course, throughout all that night’s trick or treating I made a careful study of what most of the other kids in the neighborhood had put together, which probably accounted for all those falls into the leaf piles.

Halloween costumes at that time were pretty much divided into the simple, the elaborate, the creative and the cheap.

And probably not much has changed today.

The cheap would be....

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