The Freelance Retort: Me and My Shadow

The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney

I’ve been getting calls from people asking if I see my shadow.

Don’t know what that’s about....

Aren’t there rodents for that?

Wait…what?

Apparently the groundhog wasn’t able to get out of his driveway, this morning, due to the excessive accumulation of ice and snow.

But why is that my problem?

I couldn’t help even if I wanted to…despite my semi-rounded chin.

My shadow and I haven’t spoken in years…not since 2010.

We couldn’t agree on boundaries.

I wanted a little more space but my shadow wanted to stay under foot…all the time…like it was watching my every move.

Not good.

And now for some reason people are throwing my shadow back in my face.

It’s always something.

Right?

I mean, has my shadow decided to start talking smack about me again?

Hey…it wasn’t my idea to get so long and drawn out at the beach that day.

My shadow was getting into everything…and everybody.

So I did the only thing I could.

I sat under the umbrella…for the rest of the month.

My shadow didn’t like that.

Said I was ruining its summer.

Can you believe that?

I was ruining my shadow’s summer….

Talk about self-centered.

I know…it sounds a little far-fetched, which is not like me at all.

Right?

The idea that a person can have a falling out with his shadow…someone other than Peter Pan.

But I bet some of you already have and don’t even know it.

Think about it. When was the last time you actually….

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