The Freelance Retort: Plumbing for Entertainment

The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney

It’s been a while, but I had to call Nardi the other day to unclog my pipe.

Not the kind of pipe you smoke stuff out of…

That I can clean myself.

I mean, if I had a pipe, which I don’t, and never did…and probably never will.

Unless I get all weird and sophisticated in my old age.

Or weirder and sophisticated ….

No, this is the kind of pipe you use to drain your bathtub, which makes more sense, since Nardi is my plumber.

If you’ve been reading these things for a while, you might remember that since I wrote all about Nardi and my plumbing, some time ago.

If you don’t, then you can read it here, now…if you want. Don’t worry…we’ll wait for you to catch up

Hmmmmm Hmmmm dee dee da da deedee doo dum….

Sorry…obviously these folks are slow readers.

Doo dee dum dum dum (no pun intededed)

Do dee do….

Okay…everybody back on the same page now?

Hey, you…in the blue sweater. Get off that Zombie story!

Sorry…some people are easily distracted…

Now, what was I saying?

Oh look…icicles!

Sorry…

Anyway, every now and then I have to unclog my bathtub drain since most of the hair that used to be on my head likes to settle down there on a daily basis.

At first, I notice it takes a bit longer for the water to empty after showering, but I can ignore that for a while, at least until the soapy water starts lapping around my knees.

When that happens, I’ll usually pour in some drain cleaner and drag out the plunger…not that I actually know what to do with the plunger, but I like the noise it makes, so I bring it out, whenever, I can.

And most of the time this actually works and before long, the tub is water free, and that’s the end of that…except for the time when I found my rubber ducky floating around in my basement, afterwards.

But that’s another long story for another day.

Anyway, to make a long story even longer, after spending about 3 hours on attempted drain cleaning, only to discover that my kitchen sink was, now, mysteriously backing up with water, as well, I decided to call Nardi.

Which annoyed me to no end, because Nardi lives right around the corner, and every time I run into him on the street, he likes to tell me that whenever you run into a plumber you’re going to have to call him within two weeks.

And then we both have a good laugh, after which I run home, light the smudge pots and sacrifice a bucket of chicken to the plumbing god, “Outrageous Fees”.

Which usually works, except this time—maybe because….

For the rest of the story, or to just kill a couple of more minutes while you’re waiting for your pipes to unfreeze..Please Click Here....

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