Freelance Retort: Starry-Eyed in Starbucks

Photo by Brian Moloney

I’m a pretty adventurous guy.

I mean, I drove to Brooklyn last week and everything.

Even walked around Coney Island for a while…you know…until I got scared.

Not that there was anything to be scared of…it’s just a boardwalk and a beach.

But that funny face guy is kind of scary.

Kind of looks like my old chemistry teacher.

Yeah….

Anyway, I consider myself an adventurous sort…within reason.

Like you won’t catch me going into a Starbucks or anything.

Nope…not me…not since the 90s.

One, because I don’t really like it…unless I’m in the mood for a beverage that tastes like it’s been sitting on the burner since last weekend.

And two…I don’t need to be laughed at by a bunch of scraggly faced teenagers in aprons…nope, not me…not again.

But sometimes you don’t have any choice, especially if the only other alternative is the Gas N Sip across the street.

All I wanted was a small coffee…milk, two sugars…some sort of utensil, a spoon or a stick to stir it with, and a top so I can pretend I’m not going to spill it on my shirt or all over my car.

How hard could that be?

But that’s where all the anxiety sets in.

Because you apparently can’t order just a small coffee at Starbucks.

If you order a small coffee at Starbucks you get a response along the lines of… “Short or tall?

To which I reply…”Not that’s it’s any of your business, but I’d say I’m more along the lines of average, amongst the general population.”

“Room or no room?”

“Uh…no thanks…I’ll just take the coffee.”

To which the scraggly faced fellow sneers, shakes his head and shouts out….

For the rest of the story, or to just kill a couple of more minutes while you’re waiting for your coffee to decalre itself..please Click Here....

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