The Freelance Retort: Zombie Ho Ho Ho-liday Spirit

The Freelance Retort by Brian Moloney

With shopping done and holiday partying planned, I have to admit I’m a little bored at the moment.

So much so that I decided to wander across the street to see what the Zombies were up to.

If you recall, last year I unintentionally invited several of them over to our annual Winter Solstice/Christmas celebration.

Yeah…Zombies and Druids…in the same room.

I know….

And, while I would love to sit here and tell some wild story about the calamity that ensued as a result, I can’t.

The truth is the Zombies and Druids got along famously…as famously as one could hope when heathen barbarians and soulless ghouls mix.

Now, the Zombies and Morris Dancers were another story, but there’s no sense in rehashing that now.

So I was a little surprised when I hadn’t heard back from the Zombies, right away, after I sent out this year’s party invitations.

I mean, while the Zombies have their faults and can be a little disconcerting at times, they are, usually, very mindful of appearances—no, really they are—and will always, at least attempt to carry themselves with grace and gratitude, especially in social situations. Mostly because they don’t get invited to mingle a lot, so they’re really appreciative when they are. Unlike the cloaked mystics who think everyone expects them to be mysterious and should be happy if they even decide to show up. Plus they tend to park themselves around the shrimp tray and never move.

So I decided maybe I should go over and see if the Zombies were okay.

Christmas can be a very awkward time of year for a lot of people, especially the undead. All the bell ringing and holly tend to stir up unpleasant memories…not sure why.

One of the witches next door tried to explain it to me once, but they totally lost me after we got past the 7th incantation and 4th parabola.

But that’s just me…I have a problem when it comes to numbers.

So now maybe you can see why it was such a big deal when the Zombies showed up at my door last year, Holiday Whitman Sampler in hand…well, sort of a hand.

Anyway, I knocked on the front door and since it can take a Zombie quite a while to shuffle over, I let myself in.

I know what you’re thinking…

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