All We Know is Coming to an End

Editor's Note: This blog posting is obviously a prank with satirical humor. I hadn't featured it on the homepage, but people were finding it and it blew up on the site one night. Police and some parents were emailing asking about gangs. Police assured me that it's safe to have a burger anywhere in town.

Monroe, a classic suburbia to most, but not for long. All Monroe residents have probably taken note of the increasing amount of gang violence. The 25 side of town, who have taken to calling themselves the East Side, is growing strong and the 111 side of town (West Side) is fighting back with equal resistance.

Experts are advising all those who wish to avoid the bloody conflict to avoid Wolfe Park, currently the most valuable contested territory to both gangs. The Red Cross is trying to provide relief and has taken sanctuary in Chalk Hill Middle School, which was recently vacated due to budget cuts in the Monroe School System. Due to these same budget cuts summer extra-curricular activities had to be cancelled, so many youth of Monroe have been turning to these recently emerging gangs to fill their free time. 

An anonymous teen in Monroe, who is remaining neutral in the gang wars, commented, "I don't think this is a trend. It's gotten way out of hand. I can't go to Duchess anymore because I don't want to be harassed by my West Side friends for going to the other side. Likewise my option for going to McDonald's has been cut because I don't want to offend my East Side friends. I have been stuck making the long haul to Wendy's in Shelton every time I want a thick and juicy hamburger." 

The recent stormy weather has created a lull in the violence, so police are recommending any and all citizens who don't want to take place in the action take the opportunity to stock up on any necessities that are crucial in these times. All grocery stores in the surrounding towns are prepared for the mass influx of Monroe residents trying to avoid the carnage. 

Any information regarding either side of the gangs can be anonymously reported to this blog, which will keep you informed of both sides of the town.