The difference between praise and encouragement

Many of us grew up surrounded by praise. “You did just what I asked you to!” “An A on your test – I’m so proud of you.” “Good job.”

When we are young, praise feels good. It comes from parents, caregivers, and teachers. Children get used to looking to others for their self worth. They only feel good when they are told they are good.

What’s wrong with that?

Fast forward to the teenage years. Teenagers who are raised on praise often will look to others to tell them they are good. Peer influence is normal. However, kids raised on praise will do more things to be accepted by their peers if they look to others to be “good.”

Another problem with raising children on praise is that they are not developing their inner strength and self esteem.

What’s the alternative?

Using encouraging words. “You must be proud of yourself.” “How do you feel about how you did on the test?” “You worked hard. You deserve it.” These are all examples of encouraging statements. The focus is on the child, not on how you, the adult, feel. These statements help children look within themselves to decide how they feel.

Should praise be stopped entirely?

Think about praise as dessert, and encouragement as a healthy meal. Giving praise in moderation is okay, as long as there is a healthy amount of encouragement.

We all want our children to feel good about themselves. Encouragement helps them from with them.

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