Overconfidence Breeds Underachievement

When my editor suggested that I write about whether Americans are raising overconfident children, I immediately thought about my own oldest son.  Although he is a straight A, gifted, honor student with amazing athletic skills and a seemingly endless ego, I believe his overconfidence masks fear. 

At his age, everyone wants to fit in; they all seem desperate for acceptance.  Still, I wonder if it was my parenting that created his overconfidence.

The topic of overconfident children came from a recent New York Times article by David Brooks, entitled The Modesty Manifesto,  The article diverted my attention from my son to a much broader issue in America. 

The overconfident children of today are a symptom of the American culture of overconfidence.  This culture is nothing new.  It developed after World War II.  Schools and the media perpetuated the notion that we were the only "free" country and that we were the best.  Decades riding on the laurels of the generation that defeated the Nazis and Japan tempered the ambition of younger Americans and led us into mediocrity. 

Instead of believing we were the best because we earned it, Americans now seem to believe that we earned affluence or achieved the American dream because we ARE the best.   

Brooks points to Americans' overconfidence in their math ability as an example.   "Students in Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong and Taiwan have much less self-confidence, though they actually do better on the tests." 

Brooks refers to studies that blame "today’s child-rearing and educational techniques" for producing praise addicts.  He does not seem to agree with that analysis.  He focuses his criticism on the American preoccupation with the self and the values that accompany a narcissistic view.

My experience as a university instructor supports the belief that younger generations inherited a watered-down value system.  I was required to debate the law with an undergraduate student who gave answers that were 100% wrong.  It was his conviction that he was entitled to all merely because he completed the assignments. That led him to believe that I should give him credit for the wrong answers. 

Further, the No Child Left Behind Act, rather than furthering the goal of including children with the most limited abilities, perpetuated the notion that everyone should be the same.  The children who are able to achieve at a quicker or higher level are restricted.  All children are given grades that reflect the fact that they completed their assignments, not what they actually achieved. 

Instead of reinforcing the ethic of hard work, what is stressed is mere completion of work.  When these children grow up to be adults, they expect advancement and accolades just for showing up at work.

As a parent, one of the basic tenets I am determined to follow is that my children are my priority.  I believe that children's self-esteem derives from their security and, while I don't believe in false praise, I try to promote positive behavior. I expect them to be good people and do the right thing.

I don't want them to get it backwards and think that they are my priority because they are already special and they don't need to do anything more.