An 'ah ha' moment - turning a critical eye on myself.

This morning, like most mornings, my children awoke and began the day with the hustle and bustle of the morning routine.  Breakfast, teeth brushing, clothes, shoes… the list isn’t really that long, but as I slowly reversed down the driveway this morning I had a distinct pit in my stomach.  Did I forget something? 

At that point I stopped the car and began to pull back into the driveway only to remember that no, the school year has not started yet and my oldest son did not have homework and did not need his backpack.  I’m not sure if other moms are starting to get the distinct feeling of school being just around the corner, but I definitely am!

After dropping off my children with their respective childcare providers, I drove to work counting the number of days we have left before school begins.  Once again, a sense of dread began sweeping over me.  But why should I, as the parent, be so worried about what the school year will bring?  It should be exciting to have the kids acquire new skills and attain new knowledge.  It should be fulfilling to watch them achieve success and master the subject matter being presented to them in class. 

The problem is, as soon as I began thinking about schools starting I began to consider the tremendous responsibility that I have as a parent to ensure that my children are going to get the best education possible.  Some of the responsibilities that immediately came to mind included:

1)      Attending parent groups.

2)      Insisting for a daily update from my children regarding their in school activities. 

3)      Reviewing printed materials sent home by the school

4)      Monitoring and filling out reading logs

5)      Assisting with homework assignments

6)      Filing relevant school work that can be used to track (and hopefully demonstrate) annual progress in reading, writing, science, etc.

7)      Make dinner

8)      Eat dinner

9)      Give baths

10)  Monitor teeth brushing

11)  Explaining the need for PJs

12)  Nightly reading

13)  Negotiating the most comfortable blanket tucking strategies

14)  Positioning the door at just the right angle so that the light keeps the darkness out…

Honestly, there is probably more, but this is the list that immediately came to mind.  I do realize that it may seem that items 7 – 14 have nothing to do with academic achievement; but, I propose that if 1-6 are not strategically carried out, the rest of the evening will go down the tubes.  This will mean that my children won’t be in bed on time and then the morning routine will be chaos with sleepy children.  Which will then lead to the kiddos going to school feeling not 100%, and it will be all-my-fault.

With that said, it has never occurred to me that once the school year begins, I will be making numerous decisions that will determine the experience of the teachers, administrators, and supportive staff who work with my children during the school year.  However, when I eventually sat down for lunch today and began scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came upon the following article: http://www.cnn.com/2011/09/06/living/teachers-want-to-tell-parents/index.html

My initial reaction to the article was, are you serious – parents really act like that?  Especially when I read, “a child at a local school wrote on his face with a permanent marker. The teacher tried to get it off with a wash cloth, and it left a red mark on the side of his face. The parent called the media, and the teacher lost her job.” I too shared the author’s astonishment, and I got a little angry that a parent could do that to a teacher who was just trying to help. 

But then, I turned the critical eye on my own behavior because just a few sections earlier, I read, “If we give a child a 79 on a project, then that is what the child deserves. Don't set up a time to meet with me to negotiate extra credit for an 80. It's a 79, regardless of whether you think it should be a B+.”  I definitely have done things like that.

It was like one of those ‘ah ha’ moments!  The clouds parted and I realized that I needed to adopt a new perspective on my parenting responsibilities and shift my attitude for the upcoming school year.  Thankfully, I’ve still got 2 weeks left to master this new perspective : )

It is important for you to know that I’ve never been faced with a call from my son’s school for a behavioral issue, and I certainly have never thought it necessary to bring an attorney with me to a parent teacher conference, but I have been going to school for psychology and I’ve worked with kids who have had some pretty serious behavioral health challenges.  So I can only imagine how intimidating it must be for a teacher who has to face these issues while also doing their best to adopt ever-evolving standards for education, new curriculum requirements, and policies for teacher conduct.

I realized that for all of the dread that I felt as I realized the number of responsibilities I have waiting for me on August 27th, it is a drop in the bucket compared to the responsibilities placed on the teachers, administrators, and support staff who provide the education to my children. 

So, as I sat at my computer, eating my cold leftovers in the dollar store knockoff Tupperware, I came to the conclusion that I, as a parent, would benefit my child not only by working diligently to maintain a supportive environment at home, but I also need to work on partnering with my children’s schools to ensure that all those individuals working hard to pass along their passion for learning feel like they are supported – that we’ve got their backs.

There was an article linked to the first one that I found pretty amazing:  I encourage you to read http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/14/living/parents-teachers-10-things/index.html  The article is based on 750 responses from parents and teachers about what they think the other one should know.