When Life Gets Bitter

I remember the first time we gave my son a lemon slice. His nose snarled. His lips puckered. His tongue shot out in disgust. We all sat around laughing while he made a face of horror. The old adage says, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Of course, it means when life is sour adding a little sugar makes things better. I really wish it was that easy.

Bad things happen to good people. Divorce is real. Friends move away. Grandparents get sick. Jobs are loss. Rumors get spread. Death stings. Life is full of challenges. Our hearts get broken. Tears are shed. What do we do when life gets bitter? How do we deal with life when we are left with a sour taste in our mouth?

The book of Ruth is about a family that deals with poverty, famine, and death. It begins as a tale full of loss but ends as a story of hope. Elimelech moves his wife and two sons from Bethlehem to Moab because of a severe famine. As soon as they get settled in Moab, Elimelech dies and Naomi, his wife, is left to care for their two sons. They take for themselves Moabite wives, Orpah and Ruth. After ten years, the two sons tragically die and all three women are left as widows. As a foreigner, Naomi has no ability to take care of herself and her daughter-in-laws. She decides to go home. She tells her daughter-in-laws to stay in their homeland. Orpah agrees but Ruth chooses to go back with Naomi. She says, “Where you go, I will go” (Ruth 1:16).

When the two of them come to Bethlehem they are greeted by the town. Naomi replies “Call me no longer Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me. I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty” (1:20, 21). Naomi in Hebrew means “pleasant.” Mara means “bitter.” She says, “No longer call me pleasant. Call me bitter.” Naomi’s passage is down a road of pain and suffering. She leaves with plenty but claims to come back empty.

Naomi teaches us something about dealing with pain. We must be honest. Pain is real. It hurts. Pain leaves us feeling alone. It makes us bitter. Pain takes away our laughter and replaces it with tears. Naomi was not ashamed of her hurt. She was willing to name it and call it what it was.

Through her story we discover that each person deals with hurt differently based on their life experiences. Sometimes we look at someone’s response to a situation and we dismiss it. We downplay the wounds in others based on our life experiences. But we all have not travelled the same path. It is important to be sensitive to the brokenness of others.

While visiting a friend, my youngest son was attacked by a large dog. His reaction to dogs now is one of fear. If a stray dog wonders in our yard, he runs in the house and locks himself in the bathroom. When we are playing out in the front yard, he is always observant of any dogs in the area. If he hears a bark, he will ask, “Where is that coming from?”

I grew up around dogs and in the rural area I lived we had strays wonder in and out of our yard on a daily basis. Some came so regularly that I would give them names. A big black dog strolling down the road does not elicit the same response from me that it does from my youngest son. Our life experiences will always shape our response to the way we deal with pain and suffering.

Pain makes us feel isolated. It keeps our focus narrow and limits our perspective on life. When we are going through suffering, we sometimes think we are the only person that has ever gone through this or that no one understands how we feel. It would be a mistake to think that we are going through it alone. No amount of pain and suffering can separate us from the God who suffers with us. The Apostle Paul asks, “Can anything separate us from the love of Christ? Can trouble, suffering, and hard times, or hunger and nakedness, or danger and death?” He answers his own question, “I am sure that nothing can separate us from God’s love—not life or death, not angels or spirits, not the present or the future, and not powers above or powers below. Nothing in all creation can separate us from God’s love for us in Christ Jesus our Lord!” (Romans 5:35, 38).

Naomi was honest about her pain because she was confident in God. God’s answer to suffering is not standing outside of it but instead entering into the pain. In all the kinds of life that Jesus lived, he chose the life of suffering. He did it so we would not be alone. Who suffers with us? God does. God has not forsaken us.

I know when we are going through a difficult time that it can seem that we are going through it alone. It might even feel like no one cares. Naomi felt that way. She says, “I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.” She says this all the while Ruth is standing by her side. She could not see the sign of hope right in front of her eyes. Hope in the midst of suffering comes from unlikely places. Don’t be so wrapped up in your pain that you miss it. Don’t be throwing yourself a pity party while your redemption is around the corner.

It is interesting that Naomi and her family leave Bethlehem due to a famine. She returns at the beginning of harvest season. Even when we feel empty and abandoned, the blessing could be on the horizon if we have eyes to see.