Taming the Homework Monster

Last week, my 5th grader asked me to check her language arts homework.  Happy that she didn't ask about math, I eagerly rushed to assist. Would it be more help with vocabulary, brainstorming a persuasive topic for an upcoming paper or any of my other favorites? She handed me a worksheet about gerunds. I felt a knot form in my stomach. She was entering into the deep caverns of the parts of speech that went beyond the basics and for the first time, I couldn't look at the homework and immediately give her the help she needed.

Being a resourceful mom, (aren't we all), I quickly said, "You know what honey, just leave it here, I'll check it in a minute." She moved on to social studies and I opened up my laptop, beads of sweat forming....gerund, gerund, gerund...what the HECK was a gerund? 

And how was I supposed to know if this mysterious gerund was being used as the subject, predicate nominatives, indirect object or another part of speech? At 39 years old I could not, I would not allow myself to be defeated by the 5th grade.

Every home seems to handle homework differently. Varying state standards, the difference in public vs private vs homeschooling expectations, age of the child, and abilities of the parent all come into play. With Common Core Standards on the horizon for the United States, parents need every resource possible to make sure that little Johnny cannot only read, but exceed. Recently I turned to some of the smartest moms I know, the ones who seem to be "getting it right" when it comes to homework, and this is what they had to say. 

Pediatrician Sophia Grant, mother of three children ranging from elementary to high school, has her own, take no prisoners style when it comes to homework.  "It may sound odd," she said, "but I do not check my children's homework unless they ask, which is extremely rare, and I don't proof their work."

They attend a school where standards are very high and I don't want to hover or push them since the peer pressure to succeed academically is all around them.  I also believe that errors are less likely to be made a second time if you have to pay the price the first time.  They use Skype to talk to friends about homework and even tutor one another."  

Hey, even David Beckham uses this method! 

"During the week, no television or video games are allowed and the computer is only used for homework and playing on spelling websites, sodoku and other brain teaser activities.  My youngest is in 2nd grade and after light homework she has an hour of reading time.  I've seen great success with the methods we use," says Grant.

Pamela Haskins, an Atlanta area high school teacher and mom to three, has enjoyed the "homework nights" put together by her child's middle school this year. 

"The opportunity to sit for two hours as your child's teacher goes step by step over algebra and other high level math problems being presented in daily coursework is very helpful," Haskins said. "When I leave, I have a better sense of what to expect from his daily work and I also have concrete tools to use at home if the need presents itself." 

But then, of course, there is that carnal need for we parents to make sure our kids succeed at all costs and sometimes that means getting a little too involved in their homework and school projects. You too may know of parents who stay up hours after the child goes to sleep to put the finishing touches on the essay or science project, all with the best intentions of helping their kid.  It's a dirty little secret that so many parents know about, but few like to discuss. 

"I ask pointed questions to help them arrive at solution themselves," advises Sonya Marchand, mother of a Kinder student and a 7th grader. 

Marchand tackles many nights of homework alone when she and the kids are in Los Angeles and her husband is on location here in Atlanta as a writer. 

"Also, once in a while, let the answer be incorrect! Just make sure THEY are handling their own homework, good or bad, it's theirs, not yours." 

Terica Roberts, mom to a six year old, feels the same. "I try to to get frustrated and work through it.  It doesn't help either of us if I do it for him."

"At nine years old, her workload has increased and I've been teaching my daughter studying strategies," says Psychologist and Blogger Nina Grimes Stewart. "We break up the subject into parts, and then map it out on the calendar. For example, if her science exam covers five large topics, she paces herself a week before the test by studying one topic per day. The night before, the test is saved for an easy review of all the topics. This helps her to maintain a manageable pace and not become overwhelmed.  If she has questions, she has enough time to ask her teacher in advance and it helps me to not become frustrated with last minute cram sessions!"

Marietta mom of 5th grade twins and a middle schooler, Tonja Brooks-Norrington says, "Set aside time to actually go over homework with your kids so that you can see for yourself if they comprehend what is being learned AND so that you, (the parent), can see how they are being taught. 

Often you will see that it is not the way you were taught twenty years ago. It is important for us to learn the new teaching methods being used so we can be more effective with our "help."  Also, I am a firm believer in letting your kids read to you.  When they do, you can hear their emotion which also lends itself to their comprehension." 

Mother to four boys, Maria Dumas, doesn't allow summers to slip by without weekly homework for her crew of young men ranging in age from elementary to high school. 

"In the past we have enrolled them in a program at Georgia State to help with reading and Breakthrough Atlanta also provided them with continued enrichment so summers for us includes homework too. One twin has very good study skills due to his summer experience at (MS)2, the summer program at Andover Academy where they have 4 hour study sessions each day except Saturdays. The other twin is a visual learner so we use lessons taught by teachers on YouTube for him to understand concepts. Year round learning is crucial.  Children need down time, but they also need to be constantly stimulated and challenged."

So what ever happened with that gerund?

Thanks to Google, a visit to a few homework help sites and friends, I've been able to brush up on that pesky gerund as well as subjects and details that I haven't had to think about in years.

In fact, I'm having fun re-learning some things, such as the Periodic Table and learning others for the first time, such as Middle Eastern and African geography/history/politics that for some reason we simply skipped over in the dark ages of my high school learning. 

Understanding what my child is learning and how she is comprehending the information invites wonderful conversations and opportunities for both of us to enjoy new interests and new subjects.

When it comes to taming the homework monster in your home each night, your access to resources beyond your own knowledge is vast and wide.  Utilize your child, his/her teachers, the internet and friends when you hear the growl of that hideous homework creature.  At least when you know WHERE to find information, you will always appear