Ask Ant

DISCLAIMER:  Antoinette Datoc is NEITHER a licensed therapist NOR a medical professional. She is, however, a natural-born advice giver who adheres strictly to the tenet that humor is the best medicine for what ails you. Even if you think her advice is lousy, you can bet it'll make you laugh out loud. In the end, that’s what matters because if you’re laughing at least you’re not crying.

DEAR ANT:  I have been "intimate" with my boyfriend for the last six months.  Even though he has his own place, he has fallen into a pattern of spending the night at my apartment every night.  I am a financially independent, modern woman, but this arrangement is getting expensive.  In principal, I think my boyfriend should pay half the rent and share other expenses like food and utilities, but I don’t know him well enough to discuss money with him just yet.  What would you do?  —THOROUGHLY MODERN GIRL

DEAR TMG:  There is a folk song made famous by Peter, Paul and Mary in the early 60′s. It's called If I Had a Hammer.  You know the song.  It goes like this.  “If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the mornin’, I’d hammer in the evenin’ all over this land."  And so on.

Your letter makes me want to rewrite the lyrics to that song…something along the lines of, “If I had a hammer, I’d use it to hit you in the head and knock some sense into you.”  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Seriously, is this some sort of joke?  You know this guy well enough to jump in the sack with him, but it's too soon to talk about money?  I don’t get it.  I really don’t.  

So, Miss Financially Independent Thoroughly Modern Girl, I’m going to give you some good old-fashioned fiscal advice.  Don't expect this boyfriend of yours to buy the cow - or pay for the barn and feed - if he's getting the milk for free.  That’s all I have to say. —ANT

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