So here we are again: at the threshold of another back-to-school season. It's not just the backpacks, supplies, books. Not just new clothes, new shoes, new trinkets to hang on to backpacks, or to adorn cell phones with. Not just getting the physicals done, the dental and vision appointments.
There is also the emotional side and the natural questions that have the potential to torment us:
- what is enough?
- what are my child's needs versus her desires?
- if "all" other kids have this one thing, will it hurt my child not to get it? will she be singled out, not accepted by her peers?
- if I say no to buying something that my child wants, am I prepared to stand my ground and deal with her reactions?
It took time for me to learn to simply say "No" to my kids and to be OK with the ensuing crying, sulking, and now "I hate you"s (ah, teenagers!). Saying "No" to buying everything kids want and sticking to it helps everybody in the long run. It helps you as a parent because:
- you work hard to bring money home
- our houses are already filled to the brim, so why add more?
- you are being a role model for your children - teaching them healthy spending, instead of emotional buying.
It also helps the child to hear a firm "No" for many reasons:
- it helps them think about what they want most and why (so it helps them learn to prioritize)
- it helps them develop persuasive/negotiating skills (at times I simply say "No" to my kids and ask them to try to persuade me otherwise. If they succeed, I buy them the item and we talk about what they learned)
- it prepares them for future "setbacks" - those times when they won't get what they want from life. You can watch them to see what they do, how they move forward after hitting a wall, and you can use this moment to teach them how to get back up on their feet
- it teaches them that emotions (like frustration, anger, sadness) are OK - they come and go (read more about this topic in upcoming posts).
In the end, there is no reason not to enjoy this active part of the year. We get to spend more time with our children, learn about what they love and why, learn about their dreams and anxieties for the upcoming school year, and also, we get up close and personal with our beliefs about money and about our duties as parents. Wow!
One last word: remember that this shall pass too soon - in a few years we'll be watching other parents getting their kids ready for school while our children will be young adults, finding their way in the world. Their success will depend not on what we bought for them, but on the lessons we taught and the life we modeled for them over the years.
(Find this blog and more happiness info at: www.mmarcusanu.com)
