For a scary couple of weeks my youngest child was very sick with an apparently difficult to diagnose illness. During those two weeks I learned a few things that I thought might be helpful for other parents.
- It’s a virus.
- When your child first gets sick have all access to the Internet removed from your home, office, and other people’s homes.
- If by chance you are a psychologist who happens to be married to a dentist, let me try to say this as nicely as I can, you aren’t that kind of doctor. Your child has neither schizophrenia nor a toothache. Step away from the child, now. You are bothering the doctor.
- If your child is over 5, they can Google every ridiculous thing that you are suggesting to the doctor, stop it.
- Since I know you didn’t listen to me about Internet access, DO NOT under any circumstances Google these three words, Rare Childhood Illnesses. Don’t do it. You’re going to regret it. You’ll never sleep again. Put the computer away. It’s obvious that you didn’t listen to me because now you are breaking into the liquor cabinet. I told you so.
- Calling the doctor five times a day does not endear you to them nor does it change the speed in which you receive test results.
- If you and your husband both call the doctor and ask the exact same questions, they start to wonder if you are capable of caring for your child since you aren’t capable of the most basic communication skills.
- It’s a virus.
These are good tips. Use them, particularly that Internet suggestion. Here are a few other thoughts I have about that scary time. Once I knew that my son was going to be just fine, I turned into Zen Mama. My son had missed two full weeks of school. My response, “Oh well.” He wasn’t going to be able to make up his schoolwork prior to summer break, “Hmmmm, who cares.” He couldn’t finish up his volleyball season, tennis class, or friend’s parties, “Whatever.” While in the final phases of recovery, he spent no less than 6 hours a day playing a semi violent video game, “No big deal.”
I’d like to pretend that I’m always this laid back and carefree but my tips above may suggest otherwise. Yet the Zen Mama persona felt great. Why can’t we keep the big picture in mind? Why do we obsess about things that ultimately aren’t very important and why does it take a scare to send us into Zen Mama mode? Maybe, just maybe, we aren’t meant to spend all of our time in a Zen state. Maybe the periodic visit there is all we need to remind us of the big picture. And let’s be honest, can parents ever be all Zen all the time? I mean we need to get stuff done and who’s going to diagnose the virus if we don’t push the doctors to do it faster? How would Google stay in business without neurotic parents? We are helping the economy with our non-Zen behavior.
My son’s illness brought at least temporary clarity into my life and I know that it is truly a blessing to be able to fall back into my controlling, Googling, neurotic ways. Taking healthy children for granted is a luxury afforded to those of us who have them. Yet maybe the periodic unexplained virus is a reminder for us to say an extra prayer for the parents of children who didn’t get the “it’s just a virus” diagnosis. Zen Motherhood was a nice place to visit and I’ll try to get there more frequently and when I do I’ll know that it is a truly lucky place to be.
Lisa Kaplin is a life coach and psychologist at www.smartwomeninspiredlives.com and yes, she is a psychologist who just happens to be married to a dentist. You can reach her at Lisa@smartwomeninspiredlives.com
