4 Moms Linked By Child Loss To Lead Weekend Retreat For Others Like Them

MANHATTAN, IL — Four south suburban mothers who have found comfort in a bond forged through shared grief want other mothers like them to experience the same sense of connection.

Alex Redman, Molly Finn, Mary Marrero and Katy Landuyt are planning a retreat for "loss mamas"—moms have who endured child death—to gather for a weekend among others whose motherhood stories include a chapter of loss. Each organizer has experienced a child loss of her own and share in the unique perspective of navigating grief, growth and healing.

Called "4 Loss Mamas Retreat," the event is set for May 1–3, timed to fall on the same weekend as Intenational Bereaved Mother's Day. Participants are invited to stay at the Baker Hill property in Manhattan, where they'll be invited to "fill their cup"—a weekend of activities designed to replenish and rejuvenate their spirit, channel grief and inspire healing.

"There’s a lot of people in my life, who are 'there for you,'" said Katy Landuyt. "It’s a different feeling that a loss mom gets, when they’re walking through something with another loss mom. There’s an underlying understanding. There’s a different kind of love that we have for each others’ kids, families, and one another. It creates this really peaceful place to be."

Now in its second year, the retreat that started as a one-day effort has now expanded to a weekend experience at the Manhattan farmhouse. Plans are still taking shape, but they're hoping to include a schedule filled with wellness and self-care activities; hopefully, they said, attendees will feel the weight of their loss lifted—even if momentarily—by gathering there.

"When we all got together in that house, during that weekend, we experienced something you just don’t get with your 'normal' friends—the people who don’t understand loss because they haven’t walked through it," said New Lenox resident Redman. "You’re waking up in a home full of people, who’ve had the first half of your conversation already."

Redman is planning the weekend in memory of her son CMR (honored by initials only), whom she and husband Mike lost in a miscarriage.

"We all know why everyone’s there," Redman said. "Despite the pain, brief suffering everyone carries with them, you’re able to laugh without that same pang of guilt you get in a room of full of people who don’t understand loss."

Redman has worked with loss families in a professional capacity for years, she said, and yet, felt she still struggles with her own grief. It's something she thinks it's important for others to know.

"... After working with this community for this many years, and experiencing it for myself—after I’d put all that time in—I still struggle with how much or how little to share, and what feels right to me," Redman said. " It’s so unique to each individual. But it is important to share, because you never know—the person sitting next to you on the train—what they’ve experienced.

"It’s important to give people space to talk about it, but it’s understandable to still struggle with it, because 11 years into this, I still do."

She hopes mothers there will feel connection to their lost child by speaking about them and sharing their stories.

"Give yourselves those moments to be that child’s mom, for that period of time," Redman said. "That’s what we’re hoping to provide."

Manhattan resident Landuyt's efforts are in honor of her daughter. Born at 24 weeks and weighing just 14 ounces on Sept. 16, 2022, Landuyt and husband Tim's daughter Sophie Jean fought mightily against time and the odds, until her tiny body surrendered at just 30 days old. Landuyt speaks openly about her family's loss, saying she's also drawn comfort from gathering with other "loss families," as she calls them. It gives her an opportunity, she says, to reconnect with her sense of identity as Sophie's mom.

"I know for me, when we get together in any group setting, with any loss families, it feels like I’m ‘hangin’ out with Soph,'" Landuyt said.

Landuyt met Redman and Marrero through a support group for loss moms—a connection that has deepened with time and communal healing.

"Finding that group, those people that will help carry you through and sustain you through your grief, has been key for us," Landuyt said. "We want to be able to do that for other people. While it’s helping us, it’s helping people who are deep in the waters of being a newly loss family. That helps us to continue Sophie’s legacy in different ways, for both of us. Finding the right people who will carry you through, has been really helpful for us."

Molly Finn, of Plainfield, organizes and joins the retreat in honor of Lincoln Tate; Marrero, also of Plainfield, does so in honor of Roman Bennett and Baby Marrero.

"... The idea is that we’re providing space and opportunities for people to feel they’re doing something for themselves to honor their motherhood to that child or children they’ve lost," Redman said.

As they continue to plan the retreat, Landuyt said they've already had businesses commit to donating time or services. Lisa Zack, owner of Eva Lucien, has donated sound bath meditation. Shayna Starzyk will provide scalp massages. Tracie Gambino will host a paint and sip.

Baker Hill owner Joe Kasprzyk has been supportive of the group's efforts, and the women are thankful to have found his serene venue to host the weekend. The property includes a home that sleeps 28–30, and an entertainment barn with a bar, overhead projector and screen, space for activities and a fire pit steps away.

Last year's retreat welcomed 15 mothers, nine who stayed overnight.

"We want to make Saturday a full wellness day, from morning to evening," Landuyt said. They'd love to be able to provide spa services, too.

".... To create a virtual spa, away from the spa, essentially turn the barn into a spa for the day, allow the moms to relax," she said. "Really as much as we would love to have some vendors donate those services, we’re not above any donation."

The women plan to provide guests with journals, which participants can decorate and use for reflection throughout the weekend and moving forward. They also hope to gift each woman with a coffee cup—keeping with the theme of "Fill Your Cup"—to decorate and use.

Last year's participants each received a welcome bag with comfort and self-care items like socks, face masks, and more—something they'd like to offer again this year. They've created an Amazon wishlist for anyone willing to purchase supplies.

The cost to attend is not yet set, and registration has not opened, but those interested can sign up via Google Form, reach Landuyt at 708-845-0296, or email at katyflynn34@gmail.com. A separate brunch planned for Sunday will have its own registration and cost, as well, Landuyt said.

The organizers are intent on keeping the weekend as affordable as possible.

"We feel like loss families, in general, can face a financial hardship in the loss," she said. "We also think that not all loss services are very accessible. Our hope is to make this very accessible to women and to the moms."

They don't mean to leave out loss dads, either, Landuyt said.

"In a pipe dream, I’d love to do this for the men, too," she said, "for the dads to have the same kind of retreat."

For now, Landuyt hopes loss moms embrace the opportunity to find shared comfort in a weekend together.

"It allows us to continue speaking their name," Landuyt said, "living their legacy. And that we’re still their mom—will always be their mom."